Sometimes i'm tired. When i'm tired, i know what i want to want to do, but i don't want to do anything. I want to want to be productive. I want to want to practice. I want to want to write. I want to want to feel it. But i concede that i don't.
That's how i felt about 8 minutes ago. I put the bass down. I looked up motivating videos on youtube. I can't say i found much. But the feeling still passed.
I think patience is all one needs for the tiredness to pass. It's so easy to say what to do now. Now i would say "be patient", "love the journey, not the destination, "just breathe, nobody is asking anything of you, except yourself," "be happy with what you are, and forget your will to change."
Be happy with what you are, learn that, and you'll be happy through all your changes. Joy does not result in a lack of change. All that bumbly barble.
-----------------
Hitch! Fence!
I'm almost happy. Maybe fully there. But the monkey mind chimes, "now what?" And i still don't have an answer for it. I still don't know what to do with my time. I need constant motivation. I need a muse. I need a guide. It's not enough to want to want to do something.
I feel great. Good. "now what?"
Well shit, now that you mention it, i don't know what. I don't have the slightest idea what. I don't know how to live while i'm not living. And i'm a lucky one. I'm often alive. Can i feel it all the time? Can i keep faithful that when i lack life the feeling will pass? When i lack life it's hardest to be faithful. When i lack life it's hardest to trust that it's just around the corner.
Good grief!
Sometimes i'm everything i want to be.
Sometimes i'm not.
We cannot change what we are. We cannot change where we are. We cannot change who we are. We cannot change the solids.
We can (in a moment) change direction. That's what we have. We have ability to change our direction.
I've always thought that life is a mountain climb. It's fairly easy to walk flat ground. Walk around the base of the mountain. Do it forever. The valley aint bad.
But there's an idea that climbing is good. It's more difficult, but it FEELS good. A bit of a work out.
We cant just choose to be on top of the mountain. But we can change our direction.
If we're half way up the mountain, we can stop. We can look down. We can see the ground we've covered. Looking down, however, leads to the habit of walking back down. I doubt that it's a bad thing, but it is easy, and it will take you back to the masses of people. A wealth of people belong to the earth, and they will befriend you. Share their earthly pleasures and show you their golden calf.
Beautiful, aint she?
Shiny.
Sparkle.
Just lovely.
Not quite so lovely as the sun, but the sun is difficult to look at. It doesn't even want your attention. Get your eyes off the prize.
I'd like to believe i'm walking up the mountain. Unfortionate, in a lot of ways, that i believe i've covered some distance. This distance makes me believe that i can alter the slope of my ascent. I can take it easy. I wouldn't want to leave my friends.
The top of the mountain is a place of solitude. But i believe in my heart of hearts that i hold a connection to the people of the other mountains. We're each alone, but there is a connection in our solitudes.
Any time i believe i'm high up, i'm not continuing. Any time i believe i'm still at the bottom, my heart yearns for progress. Think low. Be low. Water. Tao.
In case you were wondering, justice is the enemy of goodness. Those near to god dream of goodness. Those far from god dream of justice.
less
simon
Oh Ego; when it's not a problem at hand, it is a funny one to look at. Illusions: Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah is a book of memorable quotes, "argue for your limitations and you'll receive them."
"I'm not fighting for this Ego!"
Okay. Breathing. I am Jack's peace of mind.
I am Jack's imagined form of humanity. I am Jack's opinion of hisself.
I've got a wonderful answer to the third paragraph, second question. What chains?
But honestly, "how do I break free from these chains?" Tell me exactly what chains you're in. You aughta find them hard to discribe. Sometimes my main problem with life is that i assume it's supposed to be difficult. I assume i'm on my way to greatness. I assume there's obstacles to overcome on the way to greatness. I assume these challenges i've invented are necessary, and difficult yet overcomeable. Fortunately i'm not one to assume that my difficulties are impossible. Unfortionately, i'm not ready for perfection.
Go here, http://leb.net/~mira/ to read some truths of freedom. What is it but fragments of your own self you would discard that you may become free?
Come to think of it, you're not one to assume your chains lie outside yourself. The problem is with the ego. You want your thoughts to be universal, not subjective. Universal thoughts would be correct. Subjective thoughts only true for one. Unfortionate little situation here.
I think the first step aughta be toward basics. What are you? Where do you stop and the world begins?
finishing prematurely
always,
simon
Dave had some questions about why a person might want to write. I don't have any real answers. Tao, perhaps.
I think the best reason for doing anything is peace of mind. If doing something brings peace of mind, than all that is done will benifit from it. If I'm happier because i played bass and sang for a half hour this morning, than everyone i see all day, every vibration of my voice, every pulse of my heart will be more full of love because of it. Do what you must do. Do what you love. It will benifit the world.
We could root for communism. We can say the world will be better if we share everything. But we cannot make a better world by imposing rules upon it.
We can punish murderers. We can say the world will be better if we are at peace. But we cannot make a better world by imposing rules upon it.
Till the earth in your own garden. If everyone gets there, we'll all be there. There's no short cuts, and you cannot give your neighbor directions to a better life.
Enough fizzle. I can't say that writing is important. I can't say music is important. I can't even say whether i'd like to be a writer, or if i'd like to have been a writer. Maybe i just want a steady income and a fancy nametag. I don't think so. That's probably an easy fear to hold on to as god attempts to lead me down the path of writing.
I might want it all. Writing and Music. Is that too much for one boy? Or am i silly to put down the brush and ink. Maybe Art is my game.
I'll keep working, anyway. Work is what i love. Working with love. Loving work. Lovely work. Love to work. Work forth love. Flark.
simon.
'give up your kingdom and you'll have peace of mind'
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
I'm worried that i won't take the necessary steps to go to Selkirk College. Why am i worried?
Is there a place that i'm supposed to be?
Is it my responsibility to make sure i'm doing what i love? Part of me thinks that i just have to love where i am, and God will take me where he wants me. If i try to direct my life, then i'll fall out of His way.
But how is he supposed to direct me if not through my own inclinations? I've got pretty good sources telling me that god isn't going to tap me on the shoulder and say "hey simon, any questions?"
I have hunches about what i want. And i'm confused with thoughts that i shouldn't want anything. Are these wants bad? Are these wants what i want to want? Are these wants what i see in a positive future, i.e: what should be. Is it my responsibility to try to get myself there?
I have a real problem with responsibility. I would guess it's best to be involved in God's plan, and to do that, i should probably get rid of my own plans for myself.
But maybe God doesn't have a plan. Maybe God just has a wish that i learn to enjoy myself. "Be good, my son."
Goodness Godness Happiness follows.
I think i want to go to music school. Why haven't i called Ross for bass lessons? I'm not currently capable of performing the admition requirements.
You might notice a change of state of mind during writing. It's nice that i can come to resolutions when i verbalize questions for mindmirror.blogspot.
I wrote that last paragraphic with the idea that i was calling ross. That i am more at peace with the idea that i should loosely direct myself towards happiness and be willing to change should greater forces redirect.
I wrote that last paragraph with the idea that the idea it outlines ceased to work out for me. As i wrote, it worked out for me.
Show me my thoughts, fingers, and i will better understand them. If i'm fit to judge anything, it's myself. I'm not sure if i'm fit, but i'm certainly the best man for the job.
I gotta get out of here, before it's too late.
Love yourself, damnit.
simon
Einstein was not great because of what he knew. He was great because of what he didn't know. He rose due to his curiosity.
Hypothesis fill voids created by accepted ignorance.
Truths of hows and whys saturate our once airy nature. Cough it up. Get loose.
Do you know why you're here?
I'll give you a hint: no, you don't.
----- ----- ----- -----
Loooooosen up, arsenault. All high and mighty. Smacking others with your book of words you've proudly labeled "Lack of Knowledge". So proud of your happiness. Arrogent.
----- ----- ----- -----
Don't let me leave you. Don't let me draw lines of seperation. I can never believe i'm above anyone. It's the worst. I will forgive myself if i notice what i've done. Worse still is the idea that i'll not notice. Or that i'll believe i'm right to do it.
"these people need to learn to persue their goals"
I walk by, chin up. I've forgotten grace. I'm numbed with pride and earthly comforts. I'm stuffed satisfied on self prescribed strict diets. I BELIEVE I'M RIGHT. My friends are afraid to tell me how i've changed. Or worse, they've gone along with me. WE ARE RIGHT. There is nothing missing. This pain is part of the suffering i undergo for humanity. I AM RIGHT. There are nothing missing. Generosity hurts the weak. I only love God. My god. me. I will have no afterlife. I have lived right, and will therefor leave you underdeveloped manfolk for my next chapter of eternity.
Kick me, i'm a retired servant of god. By any written standards, i am good.
..
simon
The wind pats my back.
I scored 80 simplicity points yesterday. I came to a better understanding of what it is that i'm to do. It doesn't sound bad. It's only as hard as i push myself. And it's what i want to do with this body.
I have two things to do. I can break them down into more, but let's keep it simple. On that note, i can bring it up into one thing to do. I'll start there.
Things To Do:
I will learn to communicate.
Doesn't sound so hard.
Broken down into two:
Things To Do:
(a) I will learn languages.
(b) I will learn instruments.
Sounds wonderous.
Broken down further:
(a) I will learn languages:
[i] - Spanish
[ii] - French
[iii] - Portugese
(b) I will learn instruments.
[i] - Anyone can play guitar
[ii] - Working on bass, drums, piano.
[iii] - Anyone can name instruments.
So that's it. Learn to communicate. Learn languages and instruments.
It's hard to explain where truth comes from. I aim to be fit to express it. I aim to be useful. I aim to be used.
As long as i'm useful in my world, my world will take care of me. I need no business plan. I need to work for my self respect. And i need to remove thoughts so that God can use my voice.
Shit, i used the G word. Lost half my readers. Don't worry. They'll both be back.
Love to Peace.
simon
"But Simon" you say, "i'm moments away from curing personal boredom. Please don't lead me back down the path of perpetual thurst for useless distraction."
And to that i say, "those are very big words, i'm proud of you. Find yourself a cookie, and eat it. Your efforts have not been wasted."
Saturday's show was splendid. The medication i received from the doctorb did wonders for my throat. I sang a half hour solo set, and then rocked socks with String Theory. We're better than we used to be, and that's saying something. That's saying we're on the right path.
Its always enough. Or never enough. I'm not good enough. I don't practice enough.
My Goals:
I want to improve my musical ability, and my lyric ability. My poetry/writing. I want to write like Kerouak. Spontaneous prose.
I want to hear a song being played, and sit down with a bass and play a nice bass line. I want to know the music. Know the notes. Know what fits.
Heh, ready for this? It's a change of phrasing. I cannot know. I want access to that which knows. If i'm empty i've got it all.
So there's that. There's the ability to communicate, both through word and through tone. I practice practice practice, because i believe in the goal. If you write songs, and i like them, i'll get inside them, and do what's to be done to help them be heard. I'll write my own songs, and if i like them, i'll get inside them, do what's to be done to get them heard.
So there's the drive, the personal aim, maybe someday i'll outgrow it. Outgrowing it is fine, provided it's not giving up. Outgrowing is realizing that i'm best goalless. Outgrowing means that i have given up on everything, and i'm going to walk, fully clothed, into the mississippi. Feel the current.
Other than musical mastery, lyrical lordship, poetic prowess and super sexyface, the goal is to lose my self. Lose personal goals. Kind of oximoronic. I'd like to get rid of any desire rooted in personal. I'd like to walk amongst y'all confused hearts and full heads turned down. I'll be the wide eyed youngster with not enough clue as to what i am to know what i should be.
Haha.
I am occasionally as impressed with myself as i sound.
Thankfully, occasionally far less so, but i'm not likely to be making sounds during those times.
Peaces of Love.
simon
Monday it was swollen, i kinda forced myself to eat. But i think it was took a self destructive angle. I believe fasting is best for health, and i was saying to myself "look at what eating will do!" I had a blue cheese sandwich for lunch. A sandwich whose core ingredient is bacteria. I got what i deserved.
Tuesday was rough. I would suggest that my pain was likened to the pains felt by our soldiers many years ago, but i would only be doing that to get a rise out of you. I worked in a kitchen, and we were busy and understaffed.
Wednesday i had off, i relaxed. Hoped to feel better because of it. By the end of the day i had plans to go to my family doctor.
Thursday i called my family doctor from work, and found that he was booked through the week. Jerk. I went to a clinic in the evening, got six pink pills. Took two.
Today i worked and felt slightly better. God bless the placebo, non? I slept a ton, which i blame some of my betterment on.
Tomorrow i'm to sing and play music at baba's lounge. It hurts to speak. I'd appreciate some unknown well wishes. Silent prayers. I think if i ask for them it won't hurt the cause, as long as you don't tell me you've done it.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That's my courageous story. I got a lot of whining in. Wrote a little bass riff. Pretty much doing my thing. I haven't written or practiced music as much with the ills, but it's really letting me know how much i normally write and practice music. It's kind of nice.
I read Ishmael again. I like that book. I'm also halfway through (at breakneck speed, i might add) through Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.
It's crossed my mind that Taoism doesn't leave room for writing or music training. Taoism has sort of a 'just be, let nature take care of you' idea. I could argue that my nature is to play music and write. I think i will argue that. It's a good thing to cross off those things which cross minds. An empty mind is a mind fit to grasp everything.
Tao.
Love,
simon.
That's how i felt about 8 minutes ago. I put the bass down. I looked up motivating videos on youtube. I can't say i found much. But the feeling still passed.
I think patience is all one needs for the tiredness to pass. It's so easy to say what to do now. Now i would say "be patient", "love the journey, not the destination, "just breathe, nobody is asking anything of you, except yourself," "be happy with what you are, and forget your will to change."
Be happy with what you are, learn that, and you'll be happy through all your changes. Joy does not result in a lack of change. All that bumbly barble.
-----------------
Hitch! Fence!
I'm almost happy. Maybe fully there. But the monkey mind chimes, "now what?" And i still don't have an answer for it. I still don't know what to do with my time. I need constant motivation. I need a muse. I need a guide. It's not enough to want to want to do something.
I feel great. Good. "now what?"
Well shit, now that you mention it, i don't know what. I don't have the slightest idea what. I don't know how to live while i'm not living. And i'm a lucky one. I'm often alive. Can i feel it all the time? Can i keep faithful that when i lack life the feeling will pass? When i lack life it's hardest to be faithful. When i lack life it's hardest to trust that it's just around the corner.
Good grief!
Sometimes i'm everything i want to be.
Sometimes i'm not.
We cannot change what we are. We cannot change where we are. We cannot change who we are. We cannot change the solids.
We can (in a moment) change direction. That's what we have. We have ability to change our direction.
I've always thought that life is a mountain climb. It's fairly easy to walk flat ground. Walk around the base of the mountain. Do it forever. The valley aint bad.
But there's an idea that climbing is good. It's more difficult, but it FEELS good. A bit of a work out.
We cant just choose to be on top of the mountain. But we can change our direction.
If we're half way up the mountain, we can stop. We can look down. We can see the ground we've covered. Looking down, however, leads to the habit of walking back down. I doubt that it's a bad thing, but it is easy, and it will take you back to the masses of people. A wealth of people belong to the earth, and they will befriend you. Share their earthly pleasures and show you their golden calf.
Beautiful, aint she?
Shiny.
Sparkle.
Just lovely.
Not quite so lovely as the sun, but the sun is difficult to look at. It doesn't even want your attention. Get your eyes off the prize.
I'd like to believe i'm walking up the mountain. Unfortionate, in a lot of ways, that i believe i've covered some distance. This distance makes me believe that i can alter the slope of my ascent. I can take it easy. I wouldn't want to leave my friends.
The top of the mountain is a place of solitude. But i believe in my heart of hearts that i hold a connection to the people of the other mountains. We're each alone, but there is a connection in our solitudes.
Any time i believe i'm high up, i'm not continuing. Any time i believe i'm still at the bottom, my heart yearns for progress. Think low. Be low. Water. Tao.
In case you were wondering, justice is the enemy of goodness. Those near to god dream of goodness. Those far from god dream of justice.
less
simon
Well, this is interesting. It's almost a dialogue. But it's not.
Oh Ego; when it's not a problem at hand, it is a funny one to look at. Illusions: Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah is a book of memorable quotes, "argue for your limitations and you'll receive them."
"I'm not fighting for this Ego!"
Okay. Breathing. I am Jack's peace of mind.
I am Jack's imagined form of humanity. I am Jack's opinion of hisself.
I've got a wonderful answer to the third paragraph, second question. What chains?
But honestly, "how do I break free from these chains?" Tell me exactly what chains you're in. You aughta find them hard to discribe. Sometimes my main problem with life is that i assume it's supposed to be difficult. I assume i'm on my way to greatness. I assume there's obstacles to overcome on the way to greatness. I assume these challenges i've invented are necessary, and difficult yet overcomeable. Fortunately i'm not one to assume that my difficulties are impossible. Unfortionately, i'm not ready for perfection.
Go here, http://leb.net/~mira/ to read some truths of freedom. What is it but fragments of your own self you would discard that you may become free?
Come to think of it, you're not one to assume your chains lie outside yourself. The problem is with the ego. You want your thoughts to be universal, not subjective. Universal thoughts would be correct. Subjective thoughts only true for one. Unfortionate little situation here.
I think the first step aughta be toward basics. What are you? Where do you stop and the world begins?
finishing prematurely
always,
simon
Bought some writing books today. If i take the receipt to my local publisher, it should be good for a book deal. I've put my money where my pen and paper should be. I'm committed to being a writer. Once the book deals start rolling in, perhaps i'll spend some time writing, just to see if i enjoy it.
Dave had some questions about why a person might want to write. I don't have any real answers. Tao, perhaps.
I think the best reason for doing anything is peace of mind. If doing something brings peace of mind, than all that is done will benifit from it. If I'm happier because i played bass and sang for a half hour this morning, than everyone i see all day, every vibration of my voice, every pulse of my heart will be more full of love because of it. Do what you must do. Do what you love. It will benifit the world.
We could root for communism. We can say the world will be better if we share everything. But we cannot make a better world by imposing rules upon it.
We can punish murderers. We can say the world will be better if we are at peace. But we cannot make a better world by imposing rules upon it.
Till the earth in your own garden. If everyone gets there, we'll all be there. There's no short cuts, and you cannot give your neighbor directions to a better life.
Enough fizzle. I can't say that writing is important. I can't say music is important. I can't even say whether i'd like to be a writer, or if i'd like to have been a writer. Maybe i just want a steady income and a fancy nametag. I don't think so. That's probably an easy fear to hold on to as god attempts to lead me down the path of writing.
I might want it all. Writing and Music. Is that too much for one boy? Or am i silly to put down the brush and ink. Maybe Art is my game.
I'll keep working, anyway. Work is what i love. Working with love. Loving work. Lovely work. Love to work. Work forth love. Flark.
simon.
Augh! My kingdom for peace of mind!
'give up your kingdom and you'll have peace of mind'
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
I'm worried that i won't take the necessary steps to go to Selkirk College. Why am i worried?
Is there a place that i'm supposed to be?
Is it my responsibility to make sure i'm doing what i love? Part of me thinks that i just have to love where i am, and God will take me where he wants me. If i try to direct my life, then i'll fall out of His way.
But how is he supposed to direct me if not through my own inclinations? I've got pretty good sources telling me that god isn't going to tap me on the shoulder and say "hey simon, any questions?"
I have hunches about what i want. And i'm confused with thoughts that i shouldn't want anything. Are these wants bad? Are these wants what i want to want? Are these wants what i see in a positive future, i.e: what should be. Is it my responsibility to try to get myself there?
I have a real problem with responsibility. I would guess it's best to be involved in God's plan, and to do that, i should probably get rid of my own plans for myself.
But maybe God doesn't have a plan. Maybe God just has a wish that i learn to enjoy myself. "Be good, my son."
Goodness Godness Happiness follows.
I think i want to go to music school. Why haven't i called Ross for bass lessons? I'm not currently capable of performing the admition requirements.
You might notice a change of state of mind during writing. It's nice that i can come to resolutions when i verbalize questions for mindmirror.blogspot.
I wrote that last paragraphic with the idea that i was calling ross. That i am more at peace with the idea that i should loosely direct myself towards happiness and be willing to change should greater forces redirect.
I wrote that last paragraph with the idea that the idea it outlines ceased to work out for me. As i wrote, it worked out for me.
Show me my thoughts, fingers, and i will better understand them. If i'm fit to judge anything, it's myself. I'm not sure if i'm fit, but i'm certainly the best man for the job.
I gotta get out of here, before it's too late.
Love yourself, damnit.
simon
That which passed through my father passes through me.
Einstein was not great because of what he knew. He was great because of what he didn't know. He rose due to his curiosity.
Hypothesis fill voids created by accepted ignorance.
Truths of hows and whys saturate our once airy nature. Cough it up. Get loose.
Do you know why you're here?
I'll give you a hint: no, you don't.
----- ----- ----- -----
Loooooosen up, arsenault. All high and mighty. Smacking others with your book of words you've proudly labeled "Lack of Knowledge". So proud of your happiness. Arrogent.
----- ----- ----- -----
Don't let me leave you. Don't let me draw lines of seperation. I can never believe i'm above anyone. It's the worst. I will forgive myself if i notice what i've done. Worse still is the idea that i'll not notice. Or that i'll believe i'm right to do it.
"these people need to learn to persue their goals"
I walk by, chin up. I've forgotten grace. I'm numbed with pride and earthly comforts. I'm stuffed satisfied on self prescribed strict diets. I BELIEVE I'M RIGHT. My friends are afraid to tell me how i've changed. Or worse, they've gone along with me. WE ARE RIGHT. There is nothing missing. This pain is part of the suffering i undergo for humanity. I AM RIGHT. There are nothing missing. Generosity hurts the weak. I only love God. My god. me. I will have no afterlife. I have lived right, and will therefor leave you underdeveloped manfolk for my next chapter of eternity.
Kick me, i'm a retired servant of god. By any written standards, i am good.
..
simon
Yes.
The wind pats my back.
I scored 80 simplicity points yesterday. I came to a better understanding of what it is that i'm to do. It doesn't sound bad. It's only as hard as i push myself. And it's what i want to do with this body.
I have two things to do. I can break them down into more, but let's keep it simple. On that note, i can bring it up into one thing to do. I'll start there.
Things To Do:
I will learn to communicate.
Doesn't sound so hard.
Broken down into two:
Things To Do:
(a) I will learn languages.
(b) I will learn instruments.
Sounds wonderous.
Broken down further:
(a) I will learn languages:
[i] - Spanish
[ii] - French
[iii] - Portugese
(b) I will learn instruments.
[i] - Anyone can play guitar
[ii] - Working on bass, drums, piano.
[iii] - Anyone can name instruments.
So that's it. Learn to communicate. Learn languages and instruments.
It's hard to explain where truth comes from. I aim to be fit to express it. I aim to be useful. I aim to be used.
As long as i'm useful in my world, my world will take care of me. I need no business plan. I need to work for my self respect. And i need to remove thoughts so that God can use my voice.
Shit, i used the G word. Lost half my readers. Don't worry. They'll both be back.
Love to Peace.
simon
The laptop that bonnie and I ordered has come in. I am connected to the internet from the comfort of my own home. I might have some occasional posting to do.
"But Simon" you say, "i'm moments away from curing personal boredom. Please don't lead me back down the path of perpetual thurst for useless distraction."
And to that i say, "those are very big words, i'm proud of you. Find yourself a cookie, and eat it. Your efforts have not been wasted."
Saturday's show was splendid. The medication i received from the doctorb did wonders for my throat. I sang a half hour solo set, and then rocked socks with String Theory. We're better than we used to be, and that's saying something. That's saying we're on the right path.
Its always enough. Or never enough. I'm not good enough. I don't practice enough.
My Goals:
I want to improve my musical ability, and my lyric ability. My poetry/writing. I want to write like Kerouak. Spontaneous prose.
I want to hear a song being played, and sit down with a bass and play a nice bass line. I want to know the music. Know the notes. Know what fits.
Heh, ready for this? It's a change of phrasing. I cannot know. I want access to that which knows. If i'm empty i've got it all.
So there's that. There's the ability to communicate, both through word and through tone. I practice practice practice, because i believe in the goal. If you write songs, and i like them, i'll get inside them, and do what's to be done to help them be heard. I'll write my own songs, and if i like them, i'll get inside them, do what's to be done to get them heard.
So there's the drive, the personal aim, maybe someday i'll outgrow it. Outgrowing it is fine, provided it's not giving up. Outgrowing is realizing that i'm best goalless. Outgrowing means that i have given up on everything, and i'm going to walk, fully clothed, into the mississippi. Feel the current.
Other than musical mastery, lyrical lordship, poetic prowess and super sexyface, the goal is to lose my self. Lose personal goals. Kind of oximoronic. I'd like to get rid of any desire rooted in personal. I'd like to walk amongst y'all confused hearts and full heads turned down. I'll be the wide eyed youngster with not enough clue as to what i am to know what i should be.
Haha.
I am occasionally as impressed with myself as i sound.
Thankfully, occasionally far less so, but i'm not likely to be making sounds during those times.
Peaces of Love.
simon
I have been sick, and it has been difficult for me. My throat hurt on sunday, but i attributed this to drink and smoke and song.
Monday it was swollen, i kinda forced myself to eat. But i think it was took a self destructive angle. I believe fasting is best for health, and i was saying to myself "look at what eating will do!" I had a blue cheese sandwich for lunch. A sandwich whose core ingredient is bacteria. I got what i deserved.
Tuesday was rough. I would suggest that my pain was likened to the pains felt by our soldiers many years ago, but i would only be doing that to get a rise out of you. I worked in a kitchen, and we were busy and understaffed.
Wednesday i had off, i relaxed. Hoped to feel better because of it. By the end of the day i had plans to go to my family doctor.
Thursday i called my family doctor from work, and found that he was booked through the week. Jerk. I went to a clinic in the evening, got six pink pills. Took two.
Today i worked and felt slightly better. God bless the placebo, non? I slept a ton, which i blame some of my betterment on.
Tomorrow i'm to sing and play music at baba's lounge. It hurts to speak. I'd appreciate some unknown well wishes. Silent prayers. I think if i ask for them it won't hurt the cause, as long as you don't tell me you've done it.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That's my courageous story. I got a lot of whining in. Wrote a little bass riff. Pretty much doing my thing. I haven't written or practiced music as much with the ills, but it's really letting me know how much i normally write and practice music. It's kind of nice.
I read Ishmael again. I like that book. I'm also halfway through (at breakneck speed, i might add) through Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.
It's crossed my mind that Taoism doesn't leave room for writing or music training. Taoism has sort of a 'just be, let nature take care of you' idea. I could argue that my nature is to play music and write. I think i will argue that. It's a good thing to cross off those things which cross minds. An empty mind is a mind fit to grasp everything.
Tao.
Love,
simon.