who, what, why, where, when.
who?
Searching for consciousness; I'm pretty sure there's something which is me. I am thinking, therefor i am. Are there other whos, sources of consciousness which aren't me? Are other people, other humans, separate sources of consciousness? Is there something other than humans? Plant life, oceans, or winds might be places to find whos. Are there gods? Is there a God?
what?
Well, this. this experience.
why?
I'm trying to figure this out. Is there a grand scheme that God has? Are there intentions in nature? Is there a will of the human race? What do I want? There is no why without who.
how?
I'm very sure I don't know. We all have a pretty firm grip on cause and effect. But what causes the cause?
when?
That's a neat question.
So, I've got this idea of control. I can do this, or that. I have both ideas in my head. Both ideas exist as possibility. But i can only choose one, as far as history tells me. Logic. My human mind insists that only one course of events is taking place.
Since there are two options, must it be true that one option is most beneficial?
It seems necessarily true that two different courses of action will lead to two different outcomes. If there are two different outcomes, then it would seem that they can not be equivalent.
One (sideofme) might argue that since there are nonequivalent outcomes available then one must be greater. On one hand, i must be happier, or more productive, or more loved, or more loving.
But y'know, that wouldn't be fair. That would mean that our first decisions, as children, determine the course of our lives. And that each choice we make is mostly the result of other choices we've made. It means that while we're ignorant of what we should do, the decisions we make still effect us, make us better or worse, happier or sadder.
It means we're ignorant and responsible. Wouldn't be fair.
Solution? Everything is always at hand. All the happiness, all the potential, all the dreams. Everything worth anything is all available to you. Everything. All of it. Right now. Neat, non?
I'm under the assumption that it is one way or the other. Either each step, each decision has the potential to close doors, or all doors are always open. The idea that all doors are always closed, and we're each on a narrow path which we cannot stray from doesn't sound like the world i know. We all feel like we're taking part in life. We can recognize the choice to pick rock, paper, or scissors. Lets recognize the choice of what we do with our lives. Doors are always open.
and nobody can shut 'em.
you can kill me,
but your wife is giving birth to my child.
i am love.
yes.
assuming that i am that which does the doing.
uhoh. Philosophy.
All i want is to be happy. And i am, often. More than you, i'd say.
I expect so much. I am doing my best. That's got to be enough.
Wait till i get off the dotblogspot. People from all over the world will show up to read what makes no sense.
I'm not even unhappy. I don't know how i'm doing. Steps taken to avoid pain might go a ways towards not feeling anything.
I reread the last paragraph. It reads strange.
I only need to please myself. I only need to please myself. I only need to please myself. I only need to please myself. I only need to please myself. I only need to please myself. I only need to please myself. I only need to please myself. I only need to please myself. I Only need ot please myself I only need to plsea myself.
Taking that into consideration, i'd say things are going okay.
At my center, there is a hole. And i am very centered. Getting closer. Understanding all i can know is me, and that i am nothing. Argumentative.
A child grew up close to me.
His mother said onto the beast:
"Son, you will move mountains,
if i can just make you believe."
Lyrics.
Songs.
Battle to say something worth while.
We've lost all wars.
My work is music. I don't mind being bad at things. I don't mind needing improvement. I love working at it. I love trying to do what i can't yet do. BUT ONLY IN MUSIC.
There's a couple skills that i want. Lets talk about languages.
I'd love to be fluent in spanish and french. I've attempted to learn both. I've acquired books and cds. I've read aloud, read quietly. I get some joy in feeling like i can speak spanish. I get joy in feeling that i can speak french.
But i'm not in it for the journey. I am not drawn to it day after day. I just want to be there, so that i can stop thinking about it. Not the case with music. I want to think about music. Where can i improve? What am i missing?
So, music is my work. Like any art, it appears to be an endless path to center. Dig.
I also work in a kitchen. I'm not sure where that fits in. I don't come home and think about how i can better cook a crepe, i know that much. I often go to Cora's and wonder what i want out of music.
Where the mind leads, the body will follow.
Where is your head?
"But simon!" You say. "You have a website. I'm browsing it!"
I'll put my songs online. Just acoustic demos. I'll write up lyrics too, and tabs, in case you kids at home want to learn to play 'em. I'll blog there. I'll throw on a mittful of poems that i've written, my favs. I'd like to write some essays, about selfishness, about taoism, about me.
It's been a long time coming.
well worth the wait.
i'm already gone,
but ideas remain.
Played a bunch of bass today, a smattering of drums tambien.
I love it all. Peace to you. Tell me about it in a hundred years.
How can i write you a poem a day
when i think that it's wise to have nothing to say
I don't intend to dazzle
with fire or flesh
Is it a gift to wish to leave you alone?
Will God help me write a forgettable poem?
one where words fall
through the holes in your mind
and have weight which pulls other
thoughts closely behind.
I want to fill you with emptiness.
Tra-la-la
Tra-la-la
Make me beautiful sound.
Heard, and at the same time, gone.
The ungraspable present.
Let me go,
and know,
I'll never leave you.
Anyway, i'm happy as an elf on boxing day. I spent money today, and i feel great about it. As predicted, i got a ride cymbal and a nintendo ds. I've played my share of ds, and a boat load of drums. I'm going to run to a grocery store in the next hour or so, to pick up groceries so that i might cook dinner for bonnie and my mother.
I'm really super happy, hitting my drums down there. Holy frig.
I'm back here now. Still very happy.
String theory has it's third show tomorrow. We'll be at Hunter's Ale house, opening for Battery Point (local) and The Darcys (Ontario).
Just watch as we climb the ladder. I'm moreso the eagerest listener than i am the controller. I will watch too. I will watch from the inside. We climb the ladder.
Peaces of Lovers for all.
up. down. happy. sad.
lazy. productive.
drums. potato chips.
bass. internet.
alone. all encompassing.
inspired. bored.
lazy. productive.
up. down. up. down. up. down.
Thank goodness i get a day off once in a while. I feel like spending money today. I think maybe a ride cymbal and a nintendo ds with brain age. Fun stuffs.
love it all, it's all yours.
You can see the whole kingdom of heaven without leaving home. The universe is contained within.
sit. think. breathe.
I work on music. This is how i attempt to add value to myself. I will be used.
Sometimes i wish i was waking up in a ditch with a guitar and an empty belly. Sometimes i'm afraid that having everything a human body needs will prevent my mind from growing. I don't need to learn anything to eat and shelter myself. I don't need to learn anything period.
But i do need to learn to be happy with myself. I need to help other people to be happy with myself. That aughta be enough motivation. But i still watch tv. It's very easy to pick apart my life and believe that i'm not doing the best i can.
I'm gonna go. Wish me luck.
who?
Searching for consciousness; I'm pretty sure there's something which is me. I am thinking, therefor i am. Are there other whos, sources of consciousness which aren't me? Are other people, other humans, separate sources of consciousness? Is there something other than humans? Plant life, oceans, or winds might be places to find whos. Are there gods? Is there a God?
what?
Well, this. this experience.
why?
I'm trying to figure this out. Is there a grand scheme that God has? Are there intentions in nature? Is there a will of the human race? What do I want? There is no why without who.
how?
I'm very sure I don't know. We all have a pretty firm grip on cause and effect. But what causes the cause?
when?
That's a neat question.
New post. Why not?
So, I've got this idea of control. I can do this, or that. I have both ideas in my head. Both ideas exist as possibility. But i can only choose one, as far as history tells me. Logic. My human mind insists that only one course of events is taking place.
Since there are two options, must it be true that one option is most beneficial?
It seems necessarily true that two different courses of action will lead to two different outcomes. If there are two different outcomes, then it would seem that they can not be equivalent.
One (sideofme) might argue that since there are nonequivalent outcomes available then one must be greater. On one hand, i must be happier, or more productive, or more loved, or more loving.
But y'know, that wouldn't be fair. That would mean that our first decisions, as children, determine the course of our lives. And that each choice we make is mostly the result of other choices we've made. It means that while we're ignorant of what we should do, the decisions we make still effect us, make us better or worse, happier or sadder.
It means we're ignorant and responsible. Wouldn't be fair.
Solution? Everything is always at hand. All the happiness, all the potential, all the dreams. Everything worth anything is all available to you. Everything. All of it. Right now. Neat, non?
I'm under the assumption that it is one way or the other. Either each step, each decision has the potential to close doors, or all doors are always open. The idea that all doors are always closed, and we're each on a narrow path which we cannot stray from doesn't sound like the world i know. We all feel like we're taking part in life. We can recognize the choice to pick rock, paper, or scissors. Lets recognize the choice of what we do with our lives. Doors are always open.
and nobody can shut 'em.
you can kill me,
but your wife is giving birth to my child.
i am love.
yes.
what to do, what to do.
assuming that i am that which does the doing.
uhoh. Philosophy.
All i want is to be happy. And i am, often. More than you, i'd say.
I expect so much. I am doing my best. That's got to be enough.
Wait till i get off the dotblogspot. People from all over the world will show up to read what makes no sense.
I'm not even unhappy. I don't know how i'm doing. Steps taken to avoid pain might go a ways towards not feeling anything.
I reread the last paragraph. It reads strange.
I only need to please myself. I only need to please myself. I only need to please myself. I only need to please myself. I only need to please myself. I only need to please myself. I only need to please myself. I only need to please myself. I only need to please myself. I Only need ot please myself I only need to plsea myself.
Taking that into consideration, i'd say things are going okay.
At my center, there is a hole. And i am very centered. Getting closer. Understanding all i can know is me, and that i am nothing. Argumentative.
A child grew up close to me.
His mother said onto the beast:
"Son, you will move mountains,
if i can just make you believe."
Lyrics.
Songs.
Battle to say something worth while.
We've lost all wars.
Maybe the meaning of life is to enjoy work.
My work is music. I don't mind being bad at things. I don't mind needing improvement. I love working at it. I love trying to do what i can't yet do. BUT ONLY IN MUSIC.
There's a couple skills that i want. Lets talk about languages.
I'd love to be fluent in spanish and french. I've attempted to learn both. I've acquired books and cds. I've read aloud, read quietly. I get some joy in feeling like i can speak spanish. I get joy in feeling that i can speak french.
But i'm not in it for the journey. I am not drawn to it day after day. I just want to be there, so that i can stop thinking about it. Not the case with music. I want to think about music. Where can i improve? What am i missing?
So, music is my work. Like any art, it appears to be an endless path to center. Dig.
I also work in a kitchen. I'm not sure where that fits in. I don't come home and think about how i can better cook a crepe, i know that much. I often go to Cora's and wonder what i want out of music.
Where the mind leads, the body will follow.
Where is your head?
I'm trying to get myself a website. I think it will be coming about shortly.
"But simon!" You say. "You have a website. I'm browsing it!"
I'll put my songs online. Just acoustic demos. I'll write up lyrics too, and tabs, in case you kids at home want to learn to play 'em. I'll blog there. I'll throw on a mittful of poems that i've written, my favs. I'd like to write some essays, about selfishness, about taoism, about me.
It's been a long time coming.
well worth the wait.
i'm already gone,
but ideas remain.
I picked up a piano today. It's a Willis. Made in Montreal. It's 8 feet away from me as i sit at the computer. Am i happy and excited? Yes.
Played a bunch of bass today, a smattering of drums tambien.
I love it all. Peace to you. Tell me about it in a hundred years.
Mission Statement (excerpt from journal)
How can i write you a poem a day
when i think that it's wise to have nothing to say
I don't intend to dazzle
with fire or flesh
Is it a gift to wish to leave you alone?
Will God help me write a forgettable poem?
one where words fall
through the holes in your mind
and have weight which pulls other
thoughts closely behind.
I want to fill you with emptiness.
Tra-la-la
Tra-la-la
Make me beautiful sound.
Heard, and at the same time, gone.
The ungraspable present.
Let me go,
and know,
I'll never leave you.
The internet is a wonderful place to vent. There is a sense that someone is being communicated to, but it is 100% non-confrontational. Earlier today, i coughed up a bit of junk related to not knowing what path i should be on. Envying the person who needs to busk to survive.
Anyway, i'm happy as an elf on boxing day. I spent money today, and i feel great about it. As predicted, i got a ride cymbal and a nintendo ds. I've played my share of ds, and a boat load of drums. I'm going to run to a grocery store in the next hour or so, to pick up groceries so that i might cook dinner for bonnie and my mother.
I'm really super happy, hitting my drums down there. Holy frig.
I'm back here now. Still very happy.
String theory has it's third show tomorrow. We'll be at Hunter's Ale house, opening for Battery Point (local) and The Darcys (Ontario).
Just watch as we climb the ladder. I'm moreso the eagerest listener than i am the controller. I will watch too. I will watch from the inside. We climb the ladder.
Peaces of Lovers for all.
left. right. left. right.
up. down. happy. sad.
lazy. productive.
drums. potato chips.
bass. internet.
alone. all encompassing.
inspired. bored.
lazy. productive.
up. down. up. down. up. down.
Thank goodness i get a day off once in a while. I feel like spending money today. I think maybe a ride cymbal and a nintendo ds with brain age. Fun stuffs.
love it all, it's all yours.
What is important about me? Are there any things that i should experience?
You can see the whole kingdom of heaven without leaving home. The universe is contained within.
sit. think. breathe.
I work on music. This is how i attempt to add value to myself. I will be used.
Sometimes i wish i was waking up in a ditch with a guitar and an empty belly. Sometimes i'm afraid that having everything a human body needs will prevent my mind from growing. I don't need to learn anything to eat and shelter myself. I don't need to learn anything period.
But i do need to learn to be happy with myself. I need to help other people to be happy with myself. That aughta be enough motivation. But i still watch tv. It's very easy to pick apart my life and believe that i'm not doing the best i can.
I'm gonna go. Wish me luck.