Tonight aside, next time you see me things'll be different.
I will be reachable via e-mail. SimonTheLikeable[at]hotmail
If you dont write, how would i know you care?
611 Queen. Tuesday. If it's on the internet it must be true.
Posts like this (of which i've made few) always make me wonder who reads this thing. It's easy to flip flop between thoughts that, "maybe it's unsafe to mention a party where anyone can read it" and "why should i post about the party when the four people who read this either live away, or are cited in the name of the party."
I had all but forgotten about my ability to survive. Talking to people is a great way to get crap off my chest. Now i feel very capable. I dont need money for a good time. I just need drugs and alcohol. What's my point? Glad i asked.
I dont know. you call this a post?
I plan on eating alot of rice. Maybe i'll busk a little.
So there we have it. I'm about ready to wave goodbye to the fifth chapter of my life after grade 12. Fifth chapter of life+freedom.
chapter1: First year math at UPEI. I was still smart at this point, scholastically. But i was coasting. I hadn't a proper taste of motivation yet. This was grade 13. Dispite my desires, i was the same.
chapter2: Gonner. Kelowna BC. Fuck that was real, let me tell you. For the first time in my life, i spent most of my time with people that didn't know me. I saw it as an opportunity. I could be whomever i wanted to be. Serious freedom. I can't begin to describe how important some of my bc friends are to me. Picture yourself, except i met you later.
chapter3: In a weird way, ottawa held alot of pressure. It tried to pull me back to what the working class would call "reality". It gave me classes that i couldn't coast through. It gave me a life where it wasn't easy to be social. Instead of working, though, i responded with drugs. In an odd way, it was a patern that i felt comfortable with. Maybe i have a problem with getting myself to do things i dont want to do. Smoking my daily reefer made it possible to avoid the question of whether i should do work or not. I floated through the months. A very passive approach to life. No regrets though. Y'know why? Cause i am where i am.
chapter4: Return to the west. I felt like i had to move. BC was a good place to be. I gave up on things, sorta. I took 3 first year philosophy courses. And then i dropped them. I was done with the path that math was offering. I was done doing a subpar job of the life that a 16 year old simon would've predicted for me. I was ready to choose my values again. Instead of forcing my way through the woods with an old compass at hand, i found a clearing, and followed. I got a job at mcdonalds, and i met a bunch of great folks. And to be frank with you, they showed me that i'm a cool fucking dude. Watching strangers learn to love you is a great experience. I let it all out, and it was appreciated. And i felt really good. Words may not do justice. But i really felt good. Felt loved. Gave me the feelings of potential i still hold.
chapter5: Home was weird. At least in the big picture condensed to a paragraph sense. Maybe i need to move on before i can correctly judge it. I think it's harder to be home then to be nowhere... i'll say that much.
If i can keep learning, and changing, at the pace i've been doing over the past few years, then i think i'll be doing really well. It's all i want - to be loved, and believed, in my soul.
Stew is best served tender.
Cause basically, i want to be all i can be... That's all there is to it.
Peace.
Honestly, i think my goal in life is to die due to unnatural causes. I've heard many times that ignorance will react with fear and hostility towards brightness (in other words of course). In my eyes, it's what happened to Lennon, Jesus, and Socrates. No doubt others. Living with the goal of being put to death for being too pure is a pretty neat ideal. And if i ever succeed, then i wont have to deal with the grief of finding a new battle. Cause i'll have passed on. Onto either nothing, or something completely different.
May you as well acheive your life's goal in death.
The end of parallisis
I was a statuette
Now i'm drunk as hell
on a piano bench
and when i press the keys
it all gets reversed
the sound of loneliness
makes me happier.
My mom doesn't like to listen to sad music too much. Apparently it gets her down. Apparently that's not uncommon. Not me though, i fucking love sad music, i soak it up like bounty 'n shit. It makes me feel not alone. Happy music makes me lonely. Ditto on happy movies. Fuck you Garden State. Good movie though.
I will be reachable via e-mail. SimonTheLikeable[at]hotmail
If you dont write, how would i know you care?
Official Simon and Dave Going Away Party
611 Queen. Tuesday. If it's on the internet it must be true.
Posts like this (of which i've made few) always make me wonder who reads this thing. It's easy to flip flop between thoughts that, "maybe it's unsafe to mention a party where anyone can read it" and "why should i post about the party when the four people who read this either live away, or are cited in the name of the party."
20 minutes ago, i was feeling sorry for myself. I'm not properly financed for my trip.
I had all but forgotten about my ability to survive. Talking to people is a great way to get crap off my chest. Now i feel very capable. I dont need money for a good time. I just need drugs and alcohol. What's my point? Glad i asked.
I dont know. you call this a post?
I plan on eating alot of rice. Maybe i'll busk a little.
I can't stop being inspired by bright eyes. I guess i can wish to be more like someone without wishing to be less like myself. Sounds legit.
So there we have it. I'm about ready to wave goodbye to the fifth chapter of my life after grade 12. Fifth chapter of life+freedom.
chapter1: First year math at UPEI. I was still smart at this point, scholastically. But i was coasting. I hadn't a proper taste of motivation yet. This was grade 13. Dispite my desires, i was the same.
chapter2: Gonner. Kelowna BC. Fuck that was real, let me tell you. For the first time in my life, i spent most of my time with people that didn't know me. I saw it as an opportunity. I could be whomever i wanted to be. Serious freedom. I can't begin to describe how important some of my bc friends are to me. Picture yourself, except i met you later.
chapter3: In a weird way, ottawa held alot of pressure. It tried to pull me back to what the working class would call "reality". It gave me classes that i couldn't coast through. It gave me a life where it wasn't easy to be social. Instead of working, though, i responded with drugs. In an odd way, it was a patern that i felt comfortable with. Maybe i have a problem with getting myself to do things i dont want to do. Smoking my daily reefer made it possible to avoid the question of whether i should do work or not. I floated through the months. A very passive approach to life. No regrets though. Y'know why? Cause i am where i am.
chapter4: Return to the west. I felt like i had to move. BC was a good place to be. I gave up on things, sorta. I took 3 first year philosophy courses. And then i dropped them. I was done with the path that math was offering. I was done doing a subpar job of the life that a 16 year old simon would've predicted for me. I was ready to choose my values again. Instead of forcing my way through the woods with an old compass at hand, i found a clearing, and followed. I got a job at mcdonalds, and i met a bunch of great folks. And to be frank with you, they showed me that i'm a cool fucking dude. Watching strangers learn to love you is a great experience. I let it all out, and it was appreciated. And i felt really good. Words may not do justice. But i really felt good. Felt loved. Gave me the feelings of potential i still hold.
chapter5: Home was weird. At least in the big picture condensed to a paragraph sense. Maybe i need to move on before i can correctly judge it. I think it's harder to be home then to be nowhere... i'll say that much.
If i can keep learning, and changing, at the pace i've been doing over the past few years, then i think i'll be doing really well. It's all i want - to be loved, and believed, in my soul.
I updated my lyrics page. For better or worse, all completed songs are up there now. There's 3-6 more still stewing.
Stew is best served tender.
I hope i never stop comparing myself to those that are better then me. Right now I compare my voice to matthew good. I compare my poetry to conon oburst. Guitar? Jimi.
Cause basically, i want to be all i can be... That's all there is to it.
Peace.
I think I'll be safer if I realize that one can never do enough. It's really alright. If there's no chance at success, no ultimate victory, then the struggle must be embraced. I think we all want something we don't have. That's part of the design. But if what we want is obtainable, then we'll eventually meet the moment of it's arrival. Which would likely bring about various feelings, elation for the success, followed by the slope down to indifference, then depression over the fleeting nature of joy. Not to mention the new found confusion that comes with that familiar empty feeling, and the unfamiliar uncertainty of how to fill it.
Honestly, i think my goal in life is to die due to unnatural causes. I've heard many times that ignorance will react with fear and hostility towards brightness (in other words of course). In my eyes, it's what happened to Lennon, Jesus, and Socrates. No doubt others. Living with the goal of being put to death for being too pure is a pretty neat ideal. And if i ever succeed, then i wont have to deal with the grief of finding a new battle. Cause i'll have passed on. Onto either nothing, or something completely different.
May you as well acheive your life's goal in death.
I'm really liking bright eyes.
The end of parallisis
I was a statuette
Now i'm drunk as hell
on a piano bench
and when i press the keys
it all gets reversed
the sound of loneliness
makes me happier.
My mom doesn't like to listen to sad music too much. Apparently it gets her down. Apparently that's not uncommon. Not me though, i fucking love sad music, i soak it up like bounty 'n shit. It makes me feel not alone. Happy music makes me lonely. Ditto on happy movies. Fuck you Garden State. Good movie though.