It's surprising it took me this long to understand that i can't help people intentionally. I can just be myself, and follow my own aims. People can use me as they need me. I'll be around.
When i live out west in september i'm going to spend some nice money on some nice instruments. I'm thinking have a guitarmaker fix me up with a fresh new guitar for about $1800. Full top o' line electronics.
And i'm also thinking i'd like a friggin huge pair of congos. Maybe like $300-$400. I'm figuring that i should be able to come away from tree planting with a nice wad of cash. Because i am expecting to be broke come May.
Halifax for the weekend. And it was great. A hour stint playing hold'em at the casino, and two good drunk nights at acadia. Real good.
Thass all.
If you measure the world by what you leave behind
and he found someone who understands
the ticking,
and the western man's need to cry.
I know it's my fault, dave. My entire life is my fault.
So, i dont know what I want. I think it's pretty clear to me that I'm afraid of hurting people. It seems like I dont let myself be a person that a girl could really fall for. I've been keeping things very casual. If a girl can't fall for me, then i can't hurt her. It's very safe.
Oddly enough, I've been thinking that the girls i've been meeting are exactly who i need to know. It's the same state of mind which makes me believe that the books i'm reading are the exact books that i can learn the most from at this stage in my life.
I think i'm proud of the pain i feel. I'm proud that i've cared enough for these girls for it to hurt me when they find someone else. I guess i'm proud cause i'm letting myself be hurt. I'm letting myself fall. I'm throwing my heart out, as far as i can, then i'm running to try and catch it.
Something like that.
Flip.
On the other side of the coin, I'm doing this for myself. I dont want to be tied down. I want to live. I like waking up and not knowing. I love the uncertainty. But more then anything, i love the potential. I like thinking i could meet the most amazing person in the world tomorrow, and i wouldn't have to pass them by because i've got a girlfriend. I'm scared of missing out, i guess. Pretty fucking typical, i guess.
I guess there's no point in life where the questions are all answered and the summit passes you by, leaving a cool easy roll back down. Life is just an incline.
It's good though, dont get me wrong.
Every once in a while, i hear someone has made a new, or restarted their own blog, and I'll notice their new blog name. And occasionally, i'll have a quick thought "hey, i could come up with my own new fun blogname". In the span of 1 line, that word has compounded itself.
But i wont do it, cause as soon as i remember what my blog name is, i think it is right.
I had a really good last half hour or so. I brought a quality notebook downstairs, played some songs, and wrote some really pretty words to two of my nearestly done songs.
But i also realized what i have to do. I've been looking forward to a future that i'm not preparing for. I want to go west in february, and i want to play shows. I need an agent of some manor. I need some audio files of myself. I am going to record my songs with myself as the drummer. I just thought of that, and i like it.
First i'm going to record myself playing guitar and singing, then i'm going to record a drum beat to the guitar/vox. Then i'm going to record a doubling of the guitar with the original guitar turned down. Then i'm going to do a recording of the vocal track with the original vocal track and the original guitar turned down (replaced by the new guitar track) I'll take the original out completely for the final editing, i think. Replaced by three well played parts.
In terms of playing live shows during my trip west, i put dave in a potentially important role, and for reasons beyond me, I was only able to be worried about his playing skills. I may have frequently had it on my mind that he should be practicing, and i was looking for improvisation skills that just couldn't be there not at such an early level. But Dave, your skill in copying the beat is really good, i should've been more aware of that in the Ben Harper song. I'm sure it'd be cool if you tried to learn the drum parts that i end up playing with my songs. But whatever you do is fine, i'll be happy having something as perfect as i can make recorded. So as for unwanted expectations Dave, i'm sorry. Not very sorry, mind you, cause i just realized my fault, and i'll remidy them. Really no sorry necessary. Yeah...
Aine, I need an agent. But I've realized that I dont need one now. I need to get off my arse. When i have a cd in my hand, and a nice video live recording, that's when i need an agent. I know you're busy now. I'll hope you're not too busy then. I promise i will work hard toward my goals until i have them acheived. Handwriten good copys of my lyrics, for a cd book. Oooh.
I think that's all I should say. But really, i'm ready to work hard, i've just had trouble finding something i wanted to work hard at. Other then music, because i've been putting plenty of time into music, I still have free time. Music would not be neglected.
Love love love,
I think probably the best way to die is to be killed by the society you're trying to help. Socrates, Jesus, Lennon, King...
I've read that it is better to live humbly for a cause, then to die nobly for it. But these people didn't choose to die, and i think the manor in which they died made their values alot more universaly recognised.
Blogger.
When i live out west in september i'm going to spend some nice money on some nice instruments. I'm thinking have a guitarmaker fix me up with a fresh new guitar for about $1800. Full top o' line electronics.
And i'm also thinking i'd like a friggin huge pair of congos. Maybe like $300-$400. I'm figuring that i should be able to come away from tree planting with a nice wad of cash. Because i am expecting to be broke come May.
Halifax for the weekend. And it was great. A hour stint playing hold'em at the casino, and two good drunk nights at acadia. Real good.
Thass all.
It's a tender trap to plan ahead all the time
If you measure the world by what you leave behind
Papa went to other lands,
and he found someone who understands
the ticking,
and the western man's need to cry.
I know it's my fault, dave. My entire life is my fault.
Alright. I think the best reason for me to post always has been if I've got something on my mind, but no accurate description of the problem/situation. Then I can think about what's going on, and just let my fingers show me what I think of things. Seeing what's going on in the bright light of language is nice.
So, i dont know what I want. I think it's pretty clear to me that I'm afraid of hurting people. It seems like I dont let myself be a person that a girl could really fall for. I've been keeping things very casual. If a girl can't fall for me, then i can't hurt her. It's very safe.
Oddly enough, I've been thinking that the girls i've been meeting are exactly who i need to know. It's the same state of mind which makes me believe that the books i'm reading are the exact books that i can learn the most from at this stage in my life.
I think i'm proud of the pain i feel. I'm proud that i've cared enough for these girls for it to hurt me when they find someone else. I guess i'm proud cause i'm letting myself be hurt. I'm letting myself fall. I'm throwing my heart out, as far as i can, then i'm running to try and catch it.
Something like that.
Flip.
On the other side of the coin, I'm doing this for myself. I dont want to be tied down. I want to live. I like waking up and not knowing. I love the uncertainty. But more then anything, i love the potential. I like thinking i could meet the most amazing person in the world tomorrow, and i wouldn't have to pass them by because i've got a girlfriend. I'm scared of missing out, i guess. Pretty fucking typical, i guess.
I guess there's no point in life where the questions are all answered and the summit passes you by, leaving a cool easy roll back down. Life is just an incline.
It's good though, dont get me wrong.
I think of Dean Moriarty.
Ah, buzzing like a fridge.
Every once in a while, i hear someone has made a new, or restarted their own blog, and I'll notice their new blog name. And occasionally, i'll have a quick thought "hey, i could come up with my own new fun blogname". In the span of 1 line, that word has compounded itself.
But i wont do it, cause as soon as i remember what my blog name is, i think it is right.
I had a really good last half hour or so. I brought a quality notebook downstairs, played some songs, and wrote some really pretty words to two of my nearestly done songs.
But i also realized what i have to do. I've been looking forward to a future that i'm not preparing for. I want to go west in february, and i want to play shows. I need an agent of some manor. I need some audio files of myself. I am going to record my songs with myself as the drummer. I just thought of that, and i like it.
First i'm going to record myself playing guitar and singing, then i'm going to record a drum beat to the guitar/vox. Then i'm going to record a doubling of the guitar with the original guitar turned down. Then i'm going to do a recording of the vocal track with the original vocal track and the original guitar turned down (replaced by the new guitar track) I'll take the original out completely for the final editing, i think. Replaced by three well played parts.
In terms of playing live shows during my trip west, i put dave in a potentially important role, and for reasons beyond me, I was only able to be worried about his playing skills. I may have frequently had it on my mind that he should be practicing, and i was looking for improvisation skills that just couldn't be there not at such an early level. But Dave, your skill in copying the beat is really good, i should've been more aware of that in the Ben Harper song. I'm sure it'd be cool if you tried to learn the drum parts that i end up playing with my songs. But whatever you do is fine, i'll be happy having something as perfect as i can make recorded. So as for unwanted expectations Dave, i'm sorry. Not very sorry, mind you, cause i just realized my fault, and i'll remidy them. Really no sorry necessary. Yeah...
Aine, I need an agent. But I've realized that I dont need one now. I need to get off my arse. When i have a cd in my hand, and a nice video live recording, that's when i need an agent. I know you're busy now. I'll hope you're not too busy then. I promise i will work hard toward my goals until i have them acheived. Handwriten good copys of my lyrics, for a cd book. Oooh.
I think that's all I should say. But really, i'm ready to work hard, i've just had trouble finding something i wanted to work hard at. Other then music, because i've been putting plenty of time into music, I still have free time. Music would not be neglected.
Love love love,
I spent about three years being a poor singer, it's really nice to feel past that.
I think probably the best way to die is to be killed by the society you're trying to help. Socrates, Jesus, Lennon, King...
I've read that it is better to live humbly for a cause, then to die nobly for it. But these people didn't choose to die, and i think the manor in which they died made their values alot more universaly recognised.