So, i'm in prince george. Using the computer at a london drugs place. Cost be a buck seventy for fifteen minutes.
Uh. I dont know what is important. I like my state of mind, but i dont like my state of affairs. I'm not sure where i'll be sleeping for the next few days. I think i packed too much shit.
Write me?
Simon Arsenault
Zap's Camp
Box 2218
Prince George, BC
V2N 2J8
That couldn't be the only thing i have to do online. It's like my home away from the physical world.
I guess it's time for me to get back to the car before my uncle is done his business and starts looking for me. Love you all, wish me luck.
The old bastard left his ties and his suit,
A brown box, moth balls and bowling shoes,
And his opinion so you'll never have to chose.
Pretty soon you'll be an old bastard too.
You get smaller while the world gets big
The more you know you know you dont know shit.
The whiz man will never fit you like the whiz kid did.
So why you gotta act like you know when you dont know?
It's okay if you dont know everything.
Why you gotta act like you know when you dont know?
It's okay if you dont know everything.
Close your eyes close your ears young man.
You've seen and heard all an old man can't.
Spread the facts on the floor like a fan.
Throw away the ones that make you feel bad.
Kids today getting old too fast.
Can't wait to grow up so they can kick some ass.
They get nostalgic about the last ten years
before the last ten years have past.
So why you gotta act like you know when you dont know?
It's okay if you dont know everything.
Why you gotta act like you know when you dont know?
It's okay if you dont know everything.
Tears land on a hand on a chest.
The old bastard had a paradigm arrest.
He got smaller and the world got big
the more he knew he knew he didn't know shit.
The whiz man never fit him like the whiz kid did.
So why you gotta act like you know when you dont know?
It's okay if you dont know everything.
Why you gotta act like you know when you dont know?
It's okay if you dont know everything.
------------------------------------------------------
Thanks ben. I love you, man. CD comes out on the 26th, it's worth it. I've heard it. I'm a felon.
So, i've gotten smaller, and the world has gotten big. I had my audition today for the selkirk college of music. It was an experience. I'll give a little play by play. I've got all the time in the world. I suggest you put on some music.
I heard about selkirk college about 3 weeks ago. I asked my dad and wendy (his someone) a few questions about it, and it appealed. I read about it on the net. It appealed.
I made plans to come to nelson to apply, and audition for the school. I've enjoyed my time in nelson. I knew cait from first year at ouc, so i spent time with her and her friends, and got a few drunks under my belt. By that i mean that i drank, not that i got ladies in my pants.
While here i picked up an application package. It had a little bit of sheet music on it that i had to learn for the audition. I fiddled around with the notes a bit, but i didn't know the song so i didn't know the tempo. It was just one part of the audition though. So i didn't think it was too huge a deal. They'll see my skill when i play my own pieces, i thought.
I was given a lady's phone number when i got the application package, and i went to see her about some music theory instruction, so that i could pass the written entrance exam. If i was to fail that exam, then i would be asked to come to the school in late augest for a two week music theory prep course. I wanted to be home for augest, so i wanted to not need this course.
When i finally got in to see her, by leaving a message on her machine which said i'd wait on her front steps until she could see me for a minute, she scared me. She told me that it was very unlikely that i could learn what i need to know by week's end. She printed me off all the major scales. Talked to me a bit about needing to know intervals, needing to know that the minor scale starts on the 6th note. Yada yada. We set up an apointment for thursday at 6:30. She had a free half hour. $17.50.
I took the stuff home. I quizzed myself for about two hours. I'd pick a scale, or a chord, then i'd try to write it out on a staff. Bmaj7, C#min scale, etc. I was getting them right. It took me time, but through a little paperwork, i would end up with the right result. I know there's 4 flats in the Ab scale. And i know that it's the Bb, Eb, Ab, and Db. I thought i was picking things up pretty quick, and i felt pretty good about it.
It was monday and tuesday that i had the house to myself. And I played music on the sterio, and i played music with my hands. And i felt great. Really great. I was belting out words with what felt like a strong voice. I felt like i was singing with heart. I felt great.
I was working on a few new songs at the time. I was getting words down. The music i was writing felt so good. I was singing along with the sterio. It felt good.
That said, i felt alone. Worth mentioning?
Wednesday, after a bit more study of music, i went to cait's house. And i did a bit of drinking, and i played a bit of music for the girls. I didn't play much, kept to covers mostly. I got my fix though. Put down the guitar, picked up the bottle.
Thursday was cait's birthday. I found that out wednesday. So after returning to wendy's house for lunch, i went back to the girls place. Sat outside, played some guitar. It was hot, so i took off my shirt. Sex did not ensue. But i did enjoy el scorcho. I sang to the empty world.
I borrowed a boat-like car to take to my half hour theory lesson. I felt like i learned alot. She threw alot of stuff at me. Locrian, Myxolidian, Dorian, Iolian scales. That's in a random order, with what might be random spelling, but i know what those scales are now. If i had a piano i could show you. There was other things, i learned some theory behind major7, dominant7, minor7, and diminished chords. Half hour ended so fast.
Drank again thursday night. Eventually i slept. It all went according to plan.
This morning i had breakfast. And holy sugar. It cost me a cool 12.95. It was poached eggs, on smoked salmon, on a homemade wholewheat bun, topped with holindais (horrid spelling, fuck you) and caviar. Side of hash browns, of course. First experience with the fish eggs. Delish. It's little black balls, so i expected it to taste like pepper (i guess), but it tasted like fish. I thought that was the salmon at first, but then i had some on their own, and shockingly enough, the fish eggs tasted like fish. I couldn't finish it all, so i got it wrapped up to go. Then i paid and left the restaurant without remembering to take it with me.
I found out where the bus station was. And i walked back to the girl's place. I was home alone there, cait had to prepare for a art show. I hopped on the computer until it was smashed into little pieces.
I hopped on the computer and signed on to msn. I talked to dave, chris, craig, becky and janelle. I put on music.
When it was time to go get the bus to the audition. I felt butterflies. My response from telling Mackaila (sp?) this was "you'll be fine". Well, i knew i'd do fine, but i wasn't in a position to stop my heart from pounding, or my hands from shaking. It's just one of those things that i didn't have control over. Looking back, i think my body was calmly telling me "simon, you're nervous". And that's okay.
So i walk down to the bus stop. Ben's new cd is in my ears. Sun is out, i'm smiling, and people are smiling back. It was an excelent walk. I get on the bus.
I get off the bus.
When i get to the college, i fill out a second application form (cause all my stuff was in the back seat of Megan's car (Megan and Mackaila are Cait's roommates). I meet some people who have re-entered their position of being nameless. One of these now nameless people leads me upstairs to the room where we'll all be writing our entrance exams.
In this room i meet some cool people closer to my age. Myself included there's 4 guitarist, 1 saxiphone, 1 asian female vocalist. Some of the guys had guitars strapped on. Fiddling around and such. Damn.
I dont know if i can describe how humbling of an experience being in this room was. There was a guy with an electric with 6 years under his belt. A nice cutaway acoustic with 3 years behind him. And myself, with my lovable yamaha, rounding off my fourth year.
The guy with the electric had good fingers. He jammed a little bit, and it was good. The acoustic guy had this amazing style. Two hand tapping, beating rhythms on the base of the guitar, slapping the strings. And here i was, thinking 'shit, i know my way around a pick, but these guys are fucking good'.
The three of us each had a little scene. Where we'd go on a little musical tour, and the rest of the room would listen. I played that Am jam thing that chris wrote. I got the respectful silence. Nobody said i was good when i was done, but i felt good about what i put on the table.
Nameless walked in the room, talked a bit, handed out some pencils, some papers, and put on a cd which played notes to us, and told us what to write on the paper. The cd was part of a listening quiz. It was very hard. "He" means the man on the recording. He played through the C scale, then would play a lone note, we had to name the note. This was done 5 times. I felt confident zero times. But i guessed. And i might even say my guesses were educated.
Then he played some chords. We had to know which chords were major, minor, diminished, or augmented. I think i was 5/5 on this part. Even if i just classified the 'weirdest sounding one' as the augmented, having no idea what that word means.
then there was tempo. A single note was played, we had to write the tempo out on the staff. I felt pretty good about this.
Then a short melody was played and we had to write that on the staff. I felt better about this.
Then it was over. I asked if i could hear the first ones again. I hoped that my confidence in the other questions would help me attack the first line of questions again. I was told the music would not be replayed.
Then i started working on the theory part. First bunch of questions were on intervals. Name this interval. I thought i could do it, but i'd need alot of time, i moved on. Then some familiarity, a few key signatures were named, and i had to write the sharps and flats on the scales to match said key signature.
The next question was vice versa. I felt great about those.
Then there came a section on naming triads. I did not feel great about this part. Other then major and minor, i didn't know triads. Fuck.
I went back to the top, and did what i thought was a good job on the intervals. I was confident in all my answers. But then there's the bottom. I knew i needed at least 75% in all sections to avoid the course in augest. I thought about trying the bottom, to see if i could get something down.
But i knew that i'd be selling myself short if i didn't take that two week theory prep course. I dont know my theory well. I left the triads blank.
Then it was time for me to play. I took my yamaha into a room with some guy who had a nice hollow body jazz guitar. He seemed like a friendly guy. We talked a bit, about how i found out about the school.
He told me it'd be a good idea to start with what i've practiced. I play the Am thing for him. I didn't even get a hint from him. I play my new song, which isn't as impressive musically, but it has some really pretty parts. I tell him (while i'm playing) that this more shows how i songwrite, then any sort of raw musical power. I feel he's disinterested in any of what i have to say. Stick to your guns simon, keep going. I play until i feel satisfied. Then i stop, at a weak sort of stopping point, with a similarly weak comment along the lines of "i guess that'll do".
He says it's time to play the piece that was done up sheet music style. I dont have the piece on me, it's in a car. I didn't really know it that well, i kind of have a vague idea of the notes, but i've never heard the song, so i dont know the tempo. This is all what i'm telling him. He is disapointed. He tells me. I should have been prepared for this audition. I only picked up the sheets two days ago, i lie. Well, maybe I shouldn't have picked this time to audition, he returns. A crushing blow.
It was thought that i could just play the chords for that, and he could play the tune. I didn't know the chords, and when he told them to me, i couldn't remember them that well. I felt cheap and sad.
I'm singling out the bad parts, by the way. I definately dont think that i definately didn't get in. Y'know?
After the bad sheet music scene. We played a little bit of the 12 bar. And i felt alot finer. Not exactly my element, but it was something i knew. And i didn't play poorly.
And then i was back in the room i took the test in. I filled out the last page, on how i heard about the school, what my musical plans are. Yada yada.
I talked to the electric guitar audition. He said he was nervous too. Had a flat G-string for one of his own songs, struggled to retune during the song. Poor results. I told him about my mishaps. We both felt better.
I concluded, outloud, that it wasn't as though we were here auditioning for a paid show, we were here to learn, and since we both have musical talent, then it would be natural for them to accept us.
Then, it was time to go. I went upstairs. Called wendy. She said she'd come pick me up, then i went outside, and sat on the steps. I took off my coat and pushed up the sleeves on my yellow long sleeved shirt. And i put ben back in my ears.
You get smaller while the world gets big
The more you know you know you dont know shit.
The whiz man will never fit you like the whiz kid did.
And i was scared.
My mind raced around. Okay, i decided, i'm going to have to go home. I can just go for two weeks, early augest. But then *BANG*, Aine is not home for early augest. I can't not see aine.
Fine, maybe i'll stay in bc. I can't afford to go home anyway. Especially if my plans for home are unemployed alcoholism. I'm not sure how much i'll make planting trees, and i am going to have to pay tuition in september. I can't work part time going to school, this schooling is going to be intense.
So why you gotta act like you know when you dont know?
I thought, maybe i just wont go to music school next year.
Relief.
Maybe i'll live in toronto. Same city as chris and aine again. The black hair and the white hair. The challenge and the support. Night n' Day.
Maybe i'll live in halifax. I'll get a job and a band and live it up.
Maybe i'll live in victoria. There's a cute girl i like who lives in victoria. Also: job, band, living.
Maybe i'll live in charlottetown. 70 cottonwood drive. I'll save money. I'll hit on ashley. I'll form a band with josh and pete mckinnon called the flamers. And i'll buy a piano.
So i spent some time thinking. Then wendy pulls up. I tell her everything. With about 1/8th of the detail as is here. She's very comforting. Great woman. She drives back to her house, i come downstairs and go to the computer. I visit blogger.com. I listen to ben one more time.
So i dont know what i'm doing next year. I'll be home for augest, though. Full month.
I can't go to the school of music with only an acoustic. If i get in, i have to buy an electric. Everything is changing. I'm going to become a long haired rocker, and lose all but the last of my boyish charm. I wonder if i'll sound like the remains of brian borched. I doubt i spelled his name correctly. But if you heard him when i heard him it's not hard to see he still had a handful of grace in him. Speaking of grace, there's a mr. jeff buckley that handled the electric, and kept the frailty. Kept the quietness and humility yet unstoppable overflowing passion.
I want to be frail in my music. I want to be seen as weak and strong. It's kinda weird.
Far sicker.
But i'm writing good music. I've almost got three songs that i love. One is complete, two are close. They're works that have come up in the past 2 weeks.
And yet, i miss my family. And I'm not talking about blood.
I'm almost done reading crime and punishment. It's definately a good book. Since i've spent some parts of the past few days talking myself out of a pity post, i've drawn some information from the way Raskolnikov was angry with himself for confessing his crime to *Nameless*. You see, nameless became sad, and Raskolnikov became upset with himself for sharing his grief.
Is it for the best to keep our troubles to ourselves? Sounds unhealthy, but I know I dont want to hear about any of your shit. Just kidding, of course.
I'm auditioning to be a Piano major in the music program at selkirk college in nelson on april 22nd. Piano is like the platinum of precious metals. I hope i'm good enough at it to get accepted. It's not like i'd ever stop playing my Axe-oustic. What a terrible terrible nickname. It's barely pronouncable.
If my audition doesn't prove me well enough to be a piano major, i'll probably just major in Axe-oustic guitar.
Terrible.
I've been writing alot of lyrics over the past two nights. I moved out of my place in winfield monday, so i've been staying with my dad and his girlfriend in my uncle's house, until my uncle gets back from costa rica. Then i'm probably going with my dad to nelson. Or i'll wait a half week until my uncle goes up. So i can attend a party on the 14th in kelowna. Then there's the music school in nelson which i'm going to apply and audition for. Also, a shaker in nelson on the 21st. Then i'm hopefully finding a ride back to kelowna for The Weakerthans, on april 26th. Then I'm getting a lift (or bus) to prince george on april 30th, to start my tree planting season. Holy Frig.
But the moral of this story, is that since i've been here (monday) i've done some writing each (both) night(s). Monday night i wrote lyrics to music i already had. And i believe i still like it. Tonight, i wrote half lyrics to another riff that i've had. So yeah, that's all been really cool. Seems like things get alot easier to do when you spend time doing them.
I've been trying to find a way to share music for a while now, but as i'm realizing how much of a perfectionist i'd like to be, i'm thinking that i'm not sharing any music until i get home. I want what i've got to be the best it can be before it's heard.
It will also allow me to be very scared and proud of how good/bad my music is. Sometimes i think i'm really good, and it's exciting, so it'll be nice to hold on to that for the time being.
So, how long does it take to get to know me? Strange thought. Who do i think knows me? Do i?
When adam and eve ate athe apple, they got holes in their belly. Use your imagination, picture a black hole. Hunger, need. Water sounds like it could be lubrication. Things are all making their way through this black hole. There was a rumour that bubble gum takes 7 years.
So maybe we're all a bunch of stars or black holes. And something about the milky way.
Planets = organs?
I'm working on a parallel between the inside and the outside.
When we smoke tobacco, we hurt our lungs. And this makes us feel joy on the outside. When we eat mushrooms (i've heard), it makes your stomach bleed. Pain on the inside makes for feeling good on the outside. That's chemically, not emotionally.
I'm going to stop now, i just scrolled up and wrote an addition to the first paragraph, and i'm worried i'll muddle things up. Good night.
Uh. I dont know what is important. I like my state of mind, but i dont like my state of affairs. I'm not sure where i'll be sleeping for the next few days. I think i packed too much shit.
Write me?
Simon Arsenault
Zap's Camp
Box 2218
Prince George, BC
V2N 2J8
That couldn't be the only thing i have to do online. It's like my home away from the physical world.
I guess it's time for me to get back to the car before my uncle is done his business and starts looking for me. Love you all, wish me luck.
Ben Folds - Bastard
The old bastard left his ties and his suit,
A brown box, moth balls and bowling shoes,
And his opinion so you'll never have to chose.
Pretty soon you'll be an old bastard too.
You get smaller while the world gets big
The more you know you know you dont know shit.
The whiz man will never fit you like the whiz kid did.
So why you gotta act like you know when you dont know?
It's okay if you dont know everything.
Why you gotta act like you know when you dont know?
It's okay if you dont know everything.
Close your eyes close your ears young man.
You've seen and heard all an old man can't.
Spread the facts on the floor like a fan.
Throw away the ones that make you feel bad.
Kids today getting old too fast.
Can't wait to grow up so they can kick some ass.
They get nostalgic about the last ten years
before the last ten years have past.
So why you gotta act like you know when you dont know?
It's okay if you dont know everything.
Why you gotta act like you know when you dont know?
It's okay if you dont know everything.
Tears land on a hand on a chest.
The old bastard had a paradigm arrest.
He got smaller and the world got big
the more he knew he knew he didn't know shit.
The whiz man never fit him like the whiz kid did.
So why you gotta act like you know when you dont know?
It's okay if you dont know everything.
Why you gotta act like you know when you dont know?
It's okay if you dont know everything.
------------------------------------------------------
Thanks ben. I love you, man. CD comes out on the 26th, it's worth it. I've heard it. I'm a felon.
So, i've gotten smaller, and the world has gotten big. I had my audition today for the selkirk college of music. It was an experience. I'll give a little play by play. I've got all the time in the world. I suggest you put on some music.
I heard about selkirk college about 3 weeks ago. I asked my dad and wendy (his someone) a few questions about it, and it appealed. I read about it on the net. It appealed.
I made plans to come to nelson to apply, and audition for the school. I've enjoyed my time in nelson. I knew cait from first year at ouc, so i spent time with her and her friends, and got a few drunks under my belt. By that i mean that i drank, not that i got ladies in my pants.
While here i picked up an application package. It had a little bit of sheet music on it that i had to learn for the audition. I fiddled around with the notes a bit, but i didn't know the song so i didn't know the tempo. It was just one part of the audition though. So i didn't think it was too huge a deal. They'll see my skill when i play my own pieces, i thought.
I was given a lady's phone number when i got the application package, and i went to see her about some music theory instruction, so that i could pass the written entrance exam. If i was to fail that exam, then i would be asked to come to the school in late augest for a two week music theory prep course. I wanted to be home for augest, so i wanted to not need this course.
When i finally got in to see her, by leaving a message on her machine which said i'd wait on her front steps until she could see me for a minute, she scared me. She told me that it was very unlikely that i could learn what i need to know by week's end. She printed me off all the major scales. Talked to me a bit about needing to know intervals, needing to know that the minor scale starts on the 6th note. Yada yada. We set up an apointment for thursday at 6:30. She had a free half hour. $17.50.
I took the stuff home. I quizzed myself for about two hours. I'd pick a scale, or a chord, then i'd try to write it out on a staff. Bmaj7, C#min scale, etc. I was getting them right. It took me time, but through a little paperwork, i would end up with the right result. I know there's 4 flats in the Ab scale. And i know that it's the Bb, Eb, Ab, and Db. I thought i was picking things up pretty quick, and i felt pretty good about it.
It was monday and tuesday that i had the house to myself. And I played music on the sterio, and i played music with my hands. And i felt great. Really great. I was belting out words with what felt like a strong voice. I felt like i was singing with heart. I felt great.
I was working on a few new songs at the time. I was getting words down. The music i was writing felt so good. I was singing along with the sterio. It felt good.
That said, i felt alone. Worth mentioning?
Wednesday, after a bit more study of music, i went to cait's house. And i did a bit of drinking, and i played a bit of music for the girls. I didn't play much, kept to covers mostly. I got my fix though. Put down the guitar, picked up the bottle.
Thursday was cait's birthday. I found that out wednesday. So after returning to wendy's house for lunch, i went back to the girls place. Sat outside, played some guitar. It was hot, so i took off my shirt. Sex did not ensue. But i did enjoy el scorcho. I sang to the empty world.
I borrowed a boat-like car to take to my half hour theory lesson. I felt like i learned alot. She threw alot of stuff at me. Locrian, Myxolidian, Dorian, Iolian scales. That's in a random order, with what might be random spelling, but i know what those scales are now. If i had a piano i could show you. There was other things, i learned some theory behind major7, dominant7, minor7, and diminished chords. Half hour ended so fast.
Drank again thursday night. Eventually i slept. It all went according to plan.
This morning i had breakfast. And holy sugar. It cost me a cool 12.95. It was poached eggs, on smoked salmon, on a homemade wholewheat bun, topped with holindais (horrid spelling, fuck you) and caviar. Side of hash browns, of course. First experience with the fish eggs. Delish. It's little black balls, so i expected it to taste like pepper (i guess), but it tasted like fish. I thought that was the salmon at first, but then i had some on their own, and shockingly enough, the fish eggs tasted like fish. I couldn't finish it all, so i got it wrapped up to go. Then i paid and left the restaurant without remembering to take it with me.
I found out where the bus station was. And i walked back to the girl's place. I was home alone there, cait had to prepare for a art show. I hopped on the computer until it was smashed into little pieces.
I hopped on the computer and signed on to msn. I talked to dave, chris, craig, becky and janelle. I put on music.
When it was time to go get the bus to the audition. I felt butterflies. My response from telling Mackaila (sp?) this was "you'll be fine". Well, i knew i'd do fine, but i wasn't in a position to stop my heart from pounding, or my hands from shaking. It's just one of those things that i didn't have control over. Looking back, i think my body was calmly telling me "simon, you're nervous". And that's okay.
So i walk down to the bus stop. Ben's new cd is in my ears. Sun is out, i'm smiling, and people are smiling back. It was an excelent walk. I get on the bus.
I get off the bus.
When i get to the college, i fill out a second application form (cause all my stuff was in the back seat of Megan's car (Megan and Mackaila are Cait's roommates). I meet some people who have re-entered their position of being nameless. One of these now nameless people leads me upstairs to the room where we'll all be writing our entrance exams.
In this room i meet some cool people closer to my age. Myself included there's 4 guitarist, 1 saxiphone, 1 asian female vocalist. Some of the guys had guitars strapped on. Fiddling around and such. Damn.
I dont know if i can describe how humbling of an experience being in this room was. There was a guy with an electric with 6 years under his belt. A nice cutaway acoustic with 3 years behind him. And myself, with my lovable yamaha, rounding off my fourth year.
The guy with the electric had good fingers. He jammed a little bit, and it was good. The acoustic guy had this amazing style. Two hand tapping, beating rhythms on the base of the guitar, slapping the strings. And here i was, thinking 'shit, i know my way around a pick, but these guys are fucking good'.
The three of us each had a little scene. Where we'd go on a little musical tour, and the rest of the room would listen. I played that Am jam thing that chris wrote. I got the respectful silence. Nobody said i was good when i was done, but i felt good about what i put on the table.
Nameless walked in the room, talked a bit, handed out some pencils, some papers, and put on a cd which played notes to us, and told us what to write on the paper. The cd was part of a listening quiz. It was very hard. "He" means the man on the recording. He played through the C scale, then would play a lone note, we had to name the note. This was done 5 times. I felt confident zero times. But i guessed. And i might even say my guesses were educated.
Then he played some chords. We had to know which chords were major, minor, diminished, or augmented. I think i was 5/5 on this part. Even if i just classified the 'weirdest sounding one' as the augmented, having no idea what that word means.
then there was tempo. A single note was played, we had to write the tempo out on the staff. I felt pretty good about this.
Then a short melody was played and we had to write that on the staff. I felt better about this.
Then it was over. I asked if i could hear the first ones again. I hoped that my confidence in the other questions would help me attack the first line of questions again. I was told the music would not be replayed.
Then i started working on the theory part. First bunch of questions were on intervals. Name this interval. I thought i could do it, but i'd need alot of time, i moved on. Then some familiarity, a few key signatures were named, and i had to write the sharps and flats on the scales to match said key signature.
The next question was vice versa. I felt great about those.
Then there came a section on naming triads. I did not feel great about this part. Other then major and minor, i didn't know triads. Fuck.
I went back to the top, and did what i thought was a good job on the intervals. I was confident in all my answers. But then there's the bottom. I knew i needed at least 75% in all sections to avoid the course in augest. I thought about trying the bottom, to see if i could get something down.
But i knew that i'd be selling myself short if i didn't take that two week theory prep course. I dont know my theory well. I left the triads blank.
Then it was time for me to play. I took my yamaha into a room with some guy who had a nice hollow body jazz guitar. He seemed like a friendly guy. We talked a bit, about how i found out about the school.
He told me it'd be a good idea to start with what i've practiced. I play the Am thing for him. I didn't even get a hint from him. I play my new song, which isn't as impressive musically, but it has some really pretty parts. I tell him (while i'm playing) that this more shows how i songwrite, then any sort of raw musical power. I feel he's disinterested in any of what i have to say. Stick to your guns simon, keep going. I play until i feel satisfied. Then i stop, at a weak sort of stopping point, with a similarly weak comment along the lines of "i guess that'll do".
He says it's time to play the piece that was done up sheet music style. I dont have the piece on me, it's in a car. I didn't really know it that well, i kind of have a vague idea of the notes, but i've never heard the song, so i dont know the tempo. This is all what i'm telling him. He is disapointed. He tells me. I should have been prepared for this audition. I only picked up the sheets two days ago, i lie. Well, maybe I shouldn't have picked this time to audition, he returns. A crushing blow.
It was thought that i could just play the chords for that, and he could play the tune. I didn't know the chords, and when he told them to me, i couldn't remember them that well. I felt cheap and sad.
I'm singling out the bad parts, by the way. I definately dont think that i definately didn't get in. Y'know?
After the bad sheet music scene. We played a little bit of the 12 bar. And i felt alot finer. Not exactly my element, but it was something i knew. And i didn't play poorly.
And then i was back in the room i took the test in. I filled out the last page, on how i heard about the school, what my musical plans are. Yada yada.
I talked to the electric guitar audition. He said he was nervous too. Had a flat G-string for one of his own songs, struggled to retune during the song. Poor results. I told him about my mishaps. We both felt better.
I concluded, outloud, that it wasn't as though we were here auditioning for a paid show, we were here to learn, and since we both have musical talent, then it would be natural for them to accept us.
Then, it was time to go. I went upstairs. Called wendy. She said she'd come pick me up, then i went outside, and sat on the steps. I took off my coat and pushed up the sleeves on my yellow long sleeved shirt. And i put ben back in my ears.
You get smaller while the world gets big
The more you know you know you dont know shit.
The whiz man will never fit you like the whiz kid did.
And i was scared.
My mind raced around. Okay, i decided, i'm going to have to go home. I can just go for two weeks, early augest. But then *BANG*, Aine is not home for early augest. I can't not see aine.
Fine, maybe i'll stay in bc. I can't afford to go home anyway. Especially if my plans for home are unemployed alcoholism. I'm not sure how much i'll make planting trees, and i am going to have to pay tuition in september. I can't work part time going to school, this schooling is going to be intense.
So why you gotta act like you know when you dont know?
I thought, maybe i just wont go to music school next year.
Relief.
Maybe i'll live in toronto. Same city as chris and aine again. The black hair and the white hair. The challenge and the support. Night n' Day.
Maybe i'll live in halifax. I'll get a job and a band and live it up.
Maybe i'll live in victoria. There's a cute girl i like who lives in victoria. Also: job, band, living.
Maybe i'll live in charlottetown. 70 cottonwood drive. I'll save money. I'll hit on ashley. I'll form a band with josh and pete mckinnon called the flamers. And i'll buy a piano.
So i spent some time thinking. Then wendy pulls up. I tell her everything. With about 1/8th of the detail as is here. She's very comforting. Great woman. She drives back to her house, i come downstairs and go to the computer. I visit blogger.com. I listen to ben one more time.
So i dont know what i'm doing next year. I'll be home for augest, though. Full month.
Yeah, one little thing i have to mention. I can't help but think that this is a bigger deal for me then for you, or even you.
I can't go to the school of music with only an acoustic. If i get in, i have to buy an electric. Everything is changing. I'm going to become a long haired rocker, and lose all but the last of my boyish charm. I wonder if i'll sound like the remains of brian borched. I doubt i spelled his name correctly. But if you heard him when i heard him it's not hard to see he still had a handful of grace in him. Speaking of grace, there's a mr. jeff buckley that handled the electric, and kept the frailty. Kept the quietness and humility yet unstoppable overflowing passion.
I want to be frail in my music. I want to be seen as weak and strong. It's kinda weird.
Well, I'm in Nelson. I'm not good enough to be a piano major. So it'll be guitar, hopefully. Audition is still friday. Pictures on Dave's site made me a little home sick. Thoughts that music school will be financially difficult and that i might have to take a two week music theory prep course in augest which combine to make even an augest trip home unlikely made me far sicker.
Far sicker.
But i'm writing good music. I've almost got three songs that i love. One is complete, two are close. They're works that have come up in the past 2 weeks.
And yet, i miss my family. And I'm not talking about blood.
It gets hard to deal with your head sometimes. Exercise does wonders though, i played a little ball today. Seems like my body is excited enough to not rely on my mind for adventure.
I'm almost done reading crime and punishment. It's definately a good book. Since i've spent some parts of the past few days talking myself out of a pity post, i've drawn some information from the way Raskolnikov was angry with himself for confessing his crime to *Nameless*. You see, nameless became sad, and Raskolnikov became upset with himself for sharing his grief.
Is it for the best to keep our troubles to ourselves? Sounds unhealthy, but I know I dont want to hear about any of your shit. Just kidding, of course.
I'm auditioning to be a Piano major in the music program at selkirk college in nelson on april 22nd. Piano is like the platinum of precious metals. I hope i'm good enough at it to get accepted. It's not like i'd ever stop playing my Axe-oustic. What a terrible terrible nickname. It's barely pronouncable.
If my audition doesn't prove me well enough to be a piano major, i'll probably just major in Axe-oustic guitar.
Terrible.
Crazy going slowly am i?
I've been writing alot of lyrics over the past two nights. I moved out of my place in winfield monday, so i've been staying with my dad and his girlfriend in my uncle's house, until my uncle gets back from costa rica. Then i'm probably going with my dad to nelson. Or i'll wait a half week until my uncle goes up. So i can attend a party on the 14th in kelowna. Then there's the music school in nelson which i'm going to apply and audition for. Also, a shaker in nelson on the 21st. Then i'm hopefully finding a ride back to kelowna for The Weakerthans, on april 26th. Then I'm getting a lift (or bus) to prince george on april 30th, to start my tree planting season. Holy Frig.
But the moral of this story, is that since i've been here (monday) i've done some writing each (both) night(s). Monday night i wrote lyrics to music i already had. And i believe i still like it. Tonight, i wrote half lyrics to another riff that i've had. So yeah, that's all been really cool. Seems like things get alot easier to do when you spend time doing them.
I've been trying to find a way to share music for a while now, but as i'm realizing how much of a perfectionist i'd like to be, i'm thinking that i'm not sharing any music until i get home. I want what i've got to be the best it can be before it's heard.
It will also allow me to be very scared and proud of how good/bad my music is. Sometimes i think i'm really good, and it's exciting, so it'll be nice to hold on to that for the time being.
So, how long does it take to get to know me? Strange thought. Who do i think knows me? Do i?
I think i'm going here
Alright, lets give this a run.
When adam and eve ate athe apple, they got holes in their belly. Use your imagination, picture a black hole. Hunger, need. Water sounds like it could be lubrication. Things are all making their way through this black hole. There was a rumour that bubble gum takes 7 years.
So maybe we're all a bunch of stars or black holes. And something about the milky way.
Planets = organs?
I'm working on a parallel between the inside and the outside.
When we smoke tobacco, we hurt our lungs. And this makes us feel joy on the outside. When we eat mushrooms (i've heard), it makes your stomach bleed. Pain on the inside makes for feeling good on the outside. That's chemically, not emotionally.
I'm going to stop now, i just scrolled up and wrote an addition to the first paragraph, and i'm worried i'll muddle things up. Good night.