It must feel good to stand above me
While I make you so proud of me
ben lee, cigarettes will kill you.
That's going to be crazy.
Me and chris have been working on a cover song, and i think it's going to be good. Hopefully we'll get it recorded sometime, if we do maybe i'll put it on here. I haven't done that in a while.
I had a really good weekend. I went out on thursday and saturday, first night to ollie's second to zaphods. ollie's on thursday was a great amount of fun. Chris and i started the night out with some productive jamming, and i had a very large mug of coffee and baileys. We each had a shot of ye old liquid cocaine, and we hopped on our bikes and went to the bar at campus. It was here that we met up with a couple of girls from the island that chris knew from highschool. One of them (merissa) is just gorgeous. It's rediculus how awesome she looks, she could be a model. I reckon. But anyway, they smoked us up after the bar scene so the night ended up on a fun note, although i had somewhat of a slow bikeride home.
I thought i might see aine at zaphod's, and i got excited at the concept, but no avail.
However. I did talk to this chick that was really quite hot. I had been making eye contact with her for a while, and at one point, when tony and i went to get beer, she stopped me and asked if we were leaving. But upon talking to her i was told that although she "had a good time looking at me" during the evening, she was twenty seven. hesitation. and has a boyfriend. I figured she told me about this 'boyfriend' to make sure i didn't get the idea of continuing to persue, but i really was quite content with the first answer. And she could've had a boyfriend, i guess, but it really doesn't matter to anyone involved. Except her, i suppose, and him, if he were to exist.
But she was that hot.
sham on.
Last night, chris and i went to olivers, and had a great time.
This might be poorly explained, but i felt really open minded last night. and i dont mean open minded in the way that most people say. I just felt very concious. Very aware of the things that were going on, and i looked upon everything positively. Alcohol may have helped.
El scorcho was played, and i sang/yelled along with that, which was rad.
I'll find you somewhere, you dont not exist.
Today, i wake up at noonish, feeling kinda not well. Alcohol may have helped. Repitition is gold. I had a math class at 10:00 and again at 1:00, the same class. And it's the class that i have an exam in on tuesday, so i would've really liked to go. But i didn't.
I did, however, go to my english class at 4. I have yet to miss an english. I have a good time in those classes. There's not many people there, and i feel like i have a personality when i'm there. I definately feel sans personality when i'm in an auditorium. It's like my complete range of choices fall between copying all the notes, and not copying any. Not so in English. I say things openly, people laugh often, the teacher laughs often, it's a place where i feel very comfortable and confident.
There's a girl in this class. Only one. that's all i have to say on the subject.
Her name is jessica, and she's pretty fucking cool. The different thing, is that although she's got quite a cute way about her, i dont want to date her, i just want to hang out with her, get to know her better. I want to be friends with this person. Based on what i know anyway.
I'm not really certain how to persue it, because it often seems like i'm asking her out. Or at least trying to, and failing. Today, for example, i waited for her after class, and asked her what she was doing this weekend. My plan was to tell her about a coffee house that i was going to go to on saturday. The only problem was that earlier, while in the english class, i realized that i dont have the piece of paper which tells me when or where it is. So she told me that she was going to be doing some studying, some partying, nothing important, and she asks what i'm doing. I say that i was thinking about going to a coffee house. Sounds like fun, she says. Sean agrees. It wasn't a one on one conversation. This is something i knew all along, cause i was there, but i may have misled you. Sean is cool, i should talk about him sometime, but i'd rather not get too far off track. So they both say some generic thing about how a coffee house sounds decent. Then i say that it's unfortionate that i can't go to the coffee house cause i lost the paper with the place and time. Except i say it in alot more words. Unnecessary words, of course.
Then sean and i say goodbye and sean goes to catch the bus and i go to get mine, and i catch up with jess and whoever the other guy was. "i thought we said our goodbyes" she says. Yeah, we sure did, but i'm going this way. Average talk continues, i recall saying something clever, then i go catch my bus.
It sounds like i'm trying to ask this person out, this isn't good.
There's probably three eventual outcomes, cause i will end up eventually asking her somewhere, like coffee or something, to get to know her. One outcome is that she tells me that she's up for going, and then i go with her, and i worry that she feels we're on a date. Another is that she turns me down, and tells me that she doesn't want to have that kind of relationship and then i'd get to say everything. This is the good one. I'd get to say that i think she's cool and whatever, and that i'm glad she doesn't want a relationship cause i dont either. I could laugh about how i knew she'd assume that i was asking her out, and that i just would've felt rude to say something like "just as friends", cause that seems kind of cold. So that possibility would be good. Third and final is likely the worst, if she just says no, flat out, and refuses any offerings. Cause then i'd find it hard to make the transition to how i actually feel, and i wouldnt' know if she was uninterested in a romantic relationship, or just uninterested entirely.
If that paragraph seems like it has alot of worry in it, it shouldn't. It's more a depiction of my current situation, then it is my current mood.
By the way, there's many girls in my english class, i'm not sure if i was clear on that.
I suppose now is as good a time as any for the bad news, i checked my course outline to see how much this midterm was worth, and i find out that it was today at 10:00 AM. I wrote my prof an email, asking for help, he seemed like a good guy when he was teaching, but i really have no idea if he'll give me a chance to write it another time or not.
I wrote above that it was on tuesday cause i didn't want it to interfere with my train of thought at the time.
Yesterday, i wrote a test in another subject, and it didn't go great, but it did go acceptably, i think. The test isn't super important, i'll be in a position to have the capability to pass the course when the final gets to me, and i think that's all that counts. What's important about yesterday, is that i left the test, and i had just missed a bus, so i went to the music building, and i asked for a list of music courses, they didn't really have one, so they gave me an arts calender.
With this, i went to the student center, with hopes of finding the comfortable couches that i was on with aine on the previous day (wednesday). But when i was on my way there, i heard a familiar sound. That sound, was high and dry. There's a guy with a table set up in the student center, he sells used cds, hemp necklaces, stuff like that. As well as these things, he also has a cd player going, today, we had the bends.
So i sat there, beside his table on a small ledge. And i listened to the whole album. Bones has never sounded so good.
While i was there, i looked through the calender, and found the music area, where i found that music students take a fair share of english and philosophy. The english consisted of a poetry course, and some other writing one, that sounded fairly interesting. I thought i'd check with the math program, and see if there were any similarities, maybe a minor in music would be possible without too much crazyness.
So i flip back to math, and i look at necessary courses. What's this i see? philosophy? poetry? Sounds wrong.
But this is a bacholor of arts, concentration mathematics, not science. And to tell you the truth, it looks really good.
Many of the courses are the same, the math courses for instance. But this way, instead of going through alot of computer science, i go through three philosophy courses, two more english courses, a course in logic, i believe. And i'm sure other courses that i dont remember. But bottom line, this looks better. And from what i can tell, everything i have taken, will transfer over in one way or another. The only thing that changes is that the physics that i took at upei now falls under electives. Small price.
So yeah, i'm going to talk to someone about it, but if everything goes according to plan, i might be an arts student soon. Minor in music, here i come.
sham on.
And also, evolve will be added to concerts.
The mars volta was very inspiring. These guys obviously had a vision of how their music should sound. And they followed through with it. You can really tell that they're playing the exact thing that they heard in their heads. I will someday have this ability, and i feel like when i do, people will want to hear it. As i said, inspiring.
I wasn't told that i look like someone from degrassi before. Although now i can watch the show and see what janelle thinks i look like, (s)he better be hot, that's all i have to say.
I do remember the nachos.
I think i should be going for a small time, anyway. Glad you're along for the ride.
Youcoulddothatbutithinkyou'llfindthattheinterestingnessofitquicklywearsoff,
andinit'splaceyou'llfindirritationandconfusion.
It wouldn't fit on one line. Later cats.
It's a great place for YOU to write what's on your mind. Examples could include questions, (i.e. why dont you post more often? who are you? wazzzaaaaaa?) comments, (i.e. it is a poor decision to use the same blog design as josh) and question/comment combinations (why did you write this post? it's riddled with uselessness.)
Sham on.
- R.E.M.
I've decided to put a list of concerts on the blog, ala dave. It's a good idea.
Well, it's quarter to five. I'm listening to ben folds cover the beatles song "golden slumbers". I'm playing poker, online.
I'm hoping that this gambling bit i'm in is simply a phase. And by bit, i mean losing. I love everything about the concept of poker. It's just such a mind battle. People are able to win small battles of the mind over a long period of time. Sometimes it's not a small battle, and you have to go through the agony of thinking about how you got beaten. Its painful sometimes. The part i hate the most is when you think back to the state of mind you were in when you made the losing mistake. Because whatever justification you come up with, you were wrong, you were outthought by another simple human.
I continue to play the game, because i have to believe that i can beat it. Being inside my head for twenty years has allowed me to become fairly confident that when i put my full attention into something, then i can be succesful at it. And basically, i dont feel like walking away from such a tempting challange. Especially a challange where the victor gets so much more then the money that he/she's gambling for, but they get to think of themselves as having reached their intellectual potential.
And then, i wonder if everyone that is addicted to gambling thinks this way. And i wonder if i could be as ordinary as any of millions who sit at home and play a cartoon card game on the internet.
Then of course, the next transition: I'm recently getting the impression that everyone is an individual. Everyone's living their dream. Perhaps not right now, but at least at one point in their lives. Someone's thoughts are exactly as dense as my own.
And following that, i wonder how i can step from the mold that is all of us, and make myself into something that i want to be. It seems impossible that we all live with the potential to realize our dreams. And that's really not fair. So i'll just give it my best shot. I have alot of great things in store for myself, in my mind, anyway. Maybe i'll get to do those things. Maybe i wont. But hopefully someday (which is one word apparently) i'll at least know that i tried. Because i'd hate to be 40 with my current dreams still unattempted.
If i'd started with a track, i'm sure i ended up off it. i'm glad i was able to open my mind here, it was good. hopefully there's still some scragglers that'll be around to read it.
While I make you so proud of me
ben lee, cigarettes will kill you.
The good news is that my prof is going to make my final exam worth 90% of the semester.
That's going to be crazy.
Me and chris have been working on a cover song, and i think it's going to be good. Hopefully we'll get it recorded sometime, if we do maybe i'll put it on here. I haven't done that in a while.
I had a really good weekend. I went out on thursday and saturday, first night to ollie's second to zaphods. ollie's on thursday was a great amount of fun. Chris and i started the night out with some productive jamming, and i had a very large mug of coffee and baileys. We each had a shot of ye old liquid cocaine, and we hopped on our bikes and went to the bar at campus. It was here that we met up with a couple of girls from the island that chris knew from highschool. One of them (merissa) is just gorgeous. It's rediculus how awesome she looks, she could be a model. I reckon. But anyway, they smoked us up after the bar scene so the night ended up on a fun note, although i had somewhat of a slow bikeride home.
I thought i might see aine at zaphod's, and i got excited at the concept, but no avail.
However. I did talk to this chick that was really quite hot. I had been making eye contact with her for a while, and at one point, when tony and i went to get beer, she stopped me and asked if we were leaving. But upon talking to her i was told that although she "had a good time looking at me" during the evening, she was twenty seven. hesitation. and has a boyfriend. I figured she told me about this 'boyfriend' to make sure i didn't get the idea of continuing to persue, but i really was quite content with the first answer. And she could've had a boyfriend, i guess, but it really doesn't matter to anyone involved. Except her, i suppose, and him, if he were to exist.
But she was that hot.
sham on.
I am full of various emotions. It's numbing.
Last night, chris and i went to olivers, and had a great time.
This might be poorly explained, but i felt really open minded last night. and i dont mean open minded in the way that most people say. I just felt very concious. Very aware of the things that were going on, and i looked upon everything positively. Alcohol may have helped.
El scorcho was played, and i sang/yelled along with that, which was rad.
I'll find you somewhere, you dont not exist.
Today, i wake up at noonish, feeling kinda not well. Alcohol may have helped. Repitition is gold. I had a math class at 10:00 and again at 1:00, the same class. And it's the class that i have an exam in on tuesday, so i would've really liked to go. But i didn't.
I did, however, go to my english class at 4. I have yet to miss an english. I have a good time in those classes. There's not many people there, and i feel like i have a personality when i'm there. I definately feel sans personality when i'm in an auditorium. It's like my complete range of choices fall between copying all the notes, and not copying any. Not so in English. I say things openly, people laugh often, the teacher laughs often, it's a place where i feel very comfortable and confident.
There's a girl in this class. Only one. that's all i have to say on the subject.
Her name is jessica, and she's pretty fucking cool. The different thing, is that although she's got quite a cute way about her, i dont want to date her, i just want to hang out with her, get to know her better. I want to be friends with this person. Based on what i know anyway.
I'm not really certain how to persue it, because it often seems like i'm asking her out. Or at least trying to, and failing. Today, for example, i waited for her after class, and asked her what she was doing this weekend. My plan was to tell her about a coffee house that i was going to go to on saturday. The only problem was that earlier, while in the english class, i realized that i dont have the piece of paper which tells me when or where it is. So she told me that she was going to be doing some studying, some partying, nothing important, and she asks what i'm doing. I say that i was thinking about going to a coffee house. Sounds like fun, she says. Sean agrees. It wasn't a one on one conversation. This is something i knew all along, cause i was there, but i may have misled you. Sean is cool, i should talk about him sometime, but i'd rather not get too far off track. So they both say some generic thing about how a coffee house sounds decent. Then i say that it's unfortionate that i can't go to the coffee house cause i lost the paper with the place and time. Except i say it in alot more words. Unnecessary words, of course.
Then sean and i say goodbye and sean goes to catch the bus and i go to get mine, and i catch up with jess and whoever the other guy was. "i thought we said our goodbyes" she says. Yeah, we sure did, but i'm going this way. Average talk continues, i recall saying something clever, then i go catch my bus.
It sounds like i'm trying to ask this person out, this isn't good.
There's probably three eventual outcomes, cause i will end up eventually asking her somewhere, like coffee or something, to get to know her. One outcome is that she tells me that she's up for going, and then i go with her, and i worry that she feels we're on a date. Another is that she turns me down, and tells me that she doesn't want to have that kind of relationship and then i'd get to say everything. This is the good one. I'd get to say that i think she's cool and whatever, and that i'm glad she doesn't want a relationship cause i dont either. I could laugh about how i knew she'd assume that i was asking her out, and that i just would've felt rude to say something like "just as friends", cause that seems kind of cold. So that possibility would be good. Third and final is likely the worst, if she just says no, flat out, and refuses any offerings. Cause then i'd find it hard to make the transition to how i actually feel, and i wouldnt' know if she was uninterested in a romantic relationship, or just uninterested entirely.
If that paragraph seems like it has alot of worry in it, it shouldn't. It's more a depiction of my current situation, then it is my current mood.
By the way, there's many girls in my english class, i'm not sure if i was clear on that.
I suppose now is as good a time as any for the bad news, i checked my course outline to see how much this midterm was worth, and i find out that it was today at 10:00 AM. I wrote my prof an email, asking for help, he seemed like a good guy when he was teaching, but i really have no idea if he'll give me a chance to write it another time or not.
I wrote above that it was on tuesday cause i didn't want it to interfere with my train of thought at the time.
Yesterday, i wrote a test in another subject, and it didn't go great, but it did go acceptably, i think. The test isn't super important, i'll be in a position to have the capability to pass the course when the final gets to me, and i think that's all that counts. What's important about yesterday, is that i left the test, and i had just missed a bus, so i went to the music building, and i asked for a list of music courses, they didn't really have one, so they gave me an arts calender.
With this, i went to the student center, with hopes of finding the comfortable couches that i was on with aine on the previous day (wednesday). But when i was on my way there, i heard a familiar sound. That sound, was high and dry. There's a guy with a table set up in the student center, he sells used cds, hemp necklaces, stuff like that. As well as these things, he also has a cd player going, today, we had the bends.
So i sat there, beside his table on a small ledge. And i listened to the whole album. Bones has never sounded so good.
While i was there, i looked through the calender, and found the music area, where i found that music students take a fair share of english and philosophy. The english consisted of a poetry course, and some other writing one, that sounded fairly interesting. I thought i'd check with the math program, and see if there were any similarities, maybe a minor in music would be possible without too much crazyness.
So i flip back to math, and i look at necessary courses. What's this i see? philosophy? poetry? Sounds wrong.
But this is a bacholor of arts, concentration mathematics, not science. And to tell you the truth, it looks really good.
Many of the courses are the same, the math courses for instance. But this way, instead of going through alot of computer science, i go through three philosophy courses, two more english courses, a course in logic, i believe. And i'm sure other courses that i dont remember. But bottom line, this looks better. And from what i can tell, everything i have taken, will transfer over in one way or another. The only thing that changes is that the physics that i took at upei now falls under electives. Small price.
So yeah, i'm going to talk to someone about it, but if everything goes according to plan, i might be an arts student soon. Minor in music, here i come.
sham on.
And also, evolve will be added to concerts.
The mars volta was very inspiring. These guys obviously had a vision of how their music should sound. And they followed through with it. You can really tell that they're playing the exact thing that they heard in their heads. I will someday have this ability, and i feel like when i do, people will want to hear it. As i said, inspiring.
I wasn't told that i look like someone from degrassi before. Although now i can watch the show and see what janelle thinks i look like, (s)he better be hot, that's all i have to say.
I do remember the nachos.
I think i should be going for a small time, anyway. Glad you're along for the ride.
Youcoulddothatbutithinkyou'llfindthattheinterestingnessofitquicklywearsoff,
andinit'splaceyou'llfindirritationandconfusion.
It wouldn't fit on one line. Later cats.
Hey look, comments.
It's a great place for YOU to write what's on your mind. Examples could include questions, (i.e. why dont you post more often? who are you? wazzzaaaaaa?) comments, (i.e. it is a poor decision to use the same blog design as josh) and question/comment combinations (why did you write this post? it's riddled with uselessness.)
Sham on.
color me, dont color me. I've got my spine i've got my orange crush.
- R.E.M.
I've decided to put a list of concerts on the blog, ala dave. It's a good idea.
Why does this still seem like gambling to you?
Well, it's quarter to five. I'm listening to ben folds cover the beatles song "golden slumbers". I'm playing poker, online.
I'm hoping that this gambling bit i'm in is simply a phase. And by bit, i mean losing. I love everything about the concept of poker. It's just such a mind battle. People are able to win small battles of the mind over a long period of time. Sometimes it's not a small battle, and you have to go through the agony of thinking about how you got beaten. Its painful sometimes. The part i hate the most is when you think back to the state of mind you were in when you made the losing mistake. Because whatever justification you come up with, you were wrong, you were outthought by another simple human.
I continue to play the game, because i have to believe that i can beat it. Being inside my head for twenty years has allowed me to become fairly confident that when i put my full attention into something, then i can be succesful at it. And basically, i dont feel like walking away from such a tempting challange. Especially a challange where the victor gets so much more then the money that he/she's gambling for, but they get to think of themselves as having reached their intellectual potential.
And then, i wonder if everyone that is addicted to gambling thinks this way. And i wonder if i could be as ordinary as any of millions who sit at home and play a cartoon card game on the internet.
Then of course, the next transition: I'm recently getting the impression that everyone is an individual. Everyone's living their dream. Perhaps not right now, but at least at one point in their lives. Someone's thoughts are exactly as dense as my own.
And following that, i wonder how i can step from the mold that is all of us, and make myself into something that i want to be. It seems impossible that we all live with the potential to realize our dreams. And that's really not fair. So i'll just give it my best shot. I have alot of great things in store for myself, in my mind, anyway. Maybe i'll get to do those things. Maybe i wont. But hopefully someday (which is one word apparently) i'll at least know that i tried. Because i'd hate to be 40 with my current dreams still unattempted.
If i'd started with a track, i'm sure i ended up off it. i'm glad i was able to open my mind here, it was good. hopefully there's still some scragglers that'll be around to read it.