ONLY IN DREAMS!!!!
hahahahahahzhzhahahzhzhahahahahahahaahah
[edit]
just as a side note, i think that i'd like to write a song about cinder, i love my old dog very much, i dont know what the song would be like, what sort of things i'd say, or why i feel like i'd like to say them, but these will be minor details for now.
I played some poker tonight, i'd planned to go out, but no drive, i was cool with poker though. it was great. Fucking colin wiped us though. I ended up 12$ down, Andrew was 4$ down, another guy was 15 down, two other guys were about 10 down, anyway, colin walked in with 10$, left with about 65. The only guy that left the table with more money then he'd started with. I was winning, i think, with about two hands to go, but that game we played, holy shit. the money came out of me like a sive, i'd say in the last 2 hands i went down about 25$, from 12 up to 12 down, i'd say that's half accurate. But yeah, i loved the poker. good times.
After poker 3 of us went to Arby's - my first Arby's experience. Not bad. it was kinda funny, we bought 15 roast beef sandwiches, 6 bacon roast beef melts, a chicken burger thing, a large box of chicken strips, and a few drinks. The people working there didn't think we were serious. and when we got to the window and gave them the 60 some dollars. they were like "you guys were serious?" It was a good experience, almost 4am lanish, cause we were all acting half retarded, and everything was funny. Not quite though, i mean not as funny as lan outing, not as super happy. but it was that style of an outing.
hmm, you know you're up late when friends from back east are coming online in the morning, i really aughta sleep.
but yeah, asside from that. i've become completely infatuated with howie day. a guitar store i was in the other day is ordering some of these. For those of you who dont know, this is a delay pedal, the delay pedal that howie uses. It'll run me like 400. And i think instead of buying a guitar, i'll just get a soundhole pickup for like 140. And then there's this thing for 300 that i'd need. then an amp. fucking amp, that's where the money goes. there was one acoustic one for 800 there. 65W, but i'll want to look around. I did up a resume last night, so hopefully i'll be able to get a job at kelsey's, that's where katherine works. she's nicole's friend, cool girl. i'd be happy to work with her.
okay yeah, i'm going to bed, good morning everyone.
concert was great, included songs such as new orleans is sinking, grace, too, poets, little bones. One particularly awesome part occured when he was talking between songs, and said "alright, i've got good news and bad news, we're at the hundredth meridian..." i dont think anyone heard the rest of what he said, but it didn't matter. great song. The encore was Ahead by a Century, Music at Work, Blow at High Dough. ooh yeah.
Went to bar afterwords, saw cute andrea girl, and cute andrea's friends. sweeeet.
Saw cute girl that i had danced with prior and didn't know the name of, she recognised me, flashed the brilliant smile, and waved. She recognised me? sweeeet.
Danced with friends, blah blah whatever. Didn't drink too much. Only spend a 20. Bright side. during withdrawl of money found that there's 1528 in my account. [thumbs up]
During the ride home, car full of girls, heard some gossip.
Apparently Scott and Therisa, the hot basketball player, and the cute girl that i like and kept screwing up with respectively. Shouldn't be going out, they're only going out cause they fucked the first night, and scott didn't want to be an ass so they kept dating. They'd dated last year for some time apparently. But tonight scott went home with some other girl, and i guess therisa was making out with someone, so she's single. uh, sweet? meh.
I dont understand how i'd written so much last night. I even tripled my amount written on the concert this time. I think i wrote alot of stuff that didn't really mean anything. I recall saying that Therisa had eyes that you could write a dictionary about. That was probably one of my better lines. btw, they're light blue, very light. But they're not subtle. She's a knockout. Tall (maybe too tall...) she's a little on the slim side, but not unattracively slim, It's in the eyes. And smile. And eyes.
The cute girl i danced with is short, shoulder length straight blond hair, fine fine body. face so cute she could run for mayor. (she's a rocket)
Andrea has slightly longer hair, brown hair and eyes, deep eyes. Nice to look at. She's a really good looking girl. Really very good looking. I like her. Her friend that seemed the most interested in me had blond hair, tied up, a little bigger then andrea, but not in a good way or bad way, just a fact. Cute face. blue eyes. a fine catch.
this should do.
Update: although i'm no longer high, i'm not low either.
I'm listening to "The War is Over", arguably the most happy matthew good band song since Native Son.
i'll talk to you guys later.
well, i'm listening to some old matt good, native son in particular. It's probably the happiest matthew good band song that i'm currently listening to. Look ma. no hands.
Last night, i went to Splashes. It's a bar. And i danced and stuff, with chicks, it was a good time. I know there's not a whole bunch of detail going in here. But yeah, i mostly danced with my cute or hot friends or people that i already know, but there was this one girl that i hadn't seen before and i kinda wandered out on the floor and danced with her for a little while. and she was cute, she would not stop smiling, and she had a damn fine smile, and all of you knowing me must've known that i was grinning like a sheep dog. which is to say that i too was smiling.
So yeah, the song ended, and we parted for a bit, i danced with some other girls, ones i knew, and then walked around for a bit, bought a cooler, and started looking for this girl again, and i saw her, but she was dancing with some new guys, and they were "jockish" big muscley guys, and at the time i was thinking, hmm, maybe that's who she wants to dance with, that's cool, and i went back to my friends, and stuff. So yeah, had a great night, only bad part of the night was that the really cute girl that i've been noticing has a boyfriend, his name is scott, i've played ball with him some, he's sorta hot. but he's a nice guy so i dont not like him. ripped as fuck the bastard. So yeah, she went out the window like so many unused pants. (i have no idea what that means, just chuckle or sigh or whatever you're planning on doing, then move on) And the other girl that i liked, that i met at a party was asking a girl about a guy when i was there, the guy is andy, he's cool, but yeah, she's a great looking girl, i was sorry to see her go, out the window, like pants.
So yeah, very little of that is important to my current day. I was in my linear algebra class, not much time remaining, it's my last class of the week. And anyway, i was thinking about the girl that i didn't know. the cute smiling one. And i was thinking the following.... she was a good looking girl, i had fun dancing with her, it's too bad she ended up with those other guys, and then i remembered how i was feeling about her, about how it'd be cool if i was bigger, or more attractive, so she'd want to dance with me. Then the thought came to me that maybe there were other guys that saw me with her and thought similar things. Then the thought hit me like i was standing outside the window and someone stopped needing their pants and threw their pants out the window and their pants hit me. yeah, just like that. Maybe i'm not unattractive. I started smiling like the top of a muffin would smile at butter. Maybe i'm someone that someone would see and want to dance with, i was wearing my new jeans and dave's shirt that i stole with permission. (thanks) and i started thinking that maybe i'm not a bad looking fellow, It was a great feeling. I felt like i was finally shedding off some of the layers of self pity that i'd been lathering on since grade 7 when i was a "faggot with a rat tail". I mean, i've already become more then comfortable with my personality, i'd say i worked that one out in about grade 11/12 when i started kicking with shannon and justin and crew. But yeah, i've never thought myself not unnattractive. and i'm starting to. wee.
this is something i recently said to dave on msn.
"Well, the events today may have been bland at best. but it's been an "up" day, a brick could fall on my foot, and i'd just hope that people saw, so they could laugh, so they could be as happy as i.
i love these days"
that's all for now, i'm going to see the tragically hip tomorrow. fun. i love you guys. And i honestly dont expect to ever meet friends with the quality of character of the friends that i had back on pei.
and that's a good thing.
I'm not doing my best. wish me luck.
btw, i still havn't done anything about my student loan, but i probably will today.
flashback, about 90 seconds ago, cute girl, younger sister of a 20 year old RA, raises her arms up and does a little spin,
"yeah, i dont look 13 do i?"
no, no you certainly dont.
I'll be good.
yeah, so there's this cute girl, that i've seen a few times, and i'm fairly certain that she'd be happy if i didn't exist anymore, but i still like her. so it's a neat dynamic. Anyway, first time i saw her, i was in a large group of people in the hallway, and i was feeling particularly like being the center of attention, so i'd been making jokes and such. And this girl walks by, and i say hi, and she said hi and after she's gone in the bathroom, which was right there, i say "oh yeah, she wants me" and people laugh, she then leaves the bathroom, some people are still kinda laughing, and i say hi again, major eye contact. and she says hi, and tamas, a third year RA on the second floor says something like good job. or something, and she looks back, and we're all laughing, so she thinks we're all laughing at her.
That was some time ago. Today i see her again in the cafeteria waiting for food and i say hi, and ask her what her name was, she says terisa (sp?) and i say, yeah, i saw you the other day in the hall, and she says something about how we were laughing at her, and i jumbly try to explain myself and i get into a big mess of stuff, basically because i told her what happened, she was like "riiight" and left. I see her again, shortly after, and say hello to her, and she smiles and says hi, and this ryan guy, who wasn't there through any of the previous events says fairly loudly, "way to go simon" and gives thumbs up, she looks back, and i say quite loudly "well, she definately heard that, this i dont need" and she walks off.
shortly after, while i'm telling the story of these recent events to drew, who's getting to be my best friend here, and she walks by again, again with the hi, and the hi, when she left, jessica, who's another good friend, said something like "that went well" while she was still easily within earshot, at that time i decided to leave and go to my room, even with everyone saying, "come on simon, go talk to her". sigh.... this is my life, and if anyone was concerned with my leaving, this should leave proof that i'm still relitively unchanged. or so i like to think. everyone keep living. bye for now.
The paragraphing is all for aine. even though i think she might look down on the drinking. I dont really know for sure though. I guess she's probably open minded. She's a cool girl.
So yeah, after we got fairly drunk at the first bar, which i forget the name of, the 5 of us went to some other bar, but before hand we went into some guys car, so a few of the guys could smoke some pot. I was offered, and i turned it down, it felt good to do that. I dont know why. Just kinda reminding myself that i've got the power over me. Good stuff. The next bar was pretty vacant, so from there we went to splashes, which is the only bar i remember by name. THat was pretty cool, i was going to get a drive home with arlynne and a few of her friends, but then i saw vanessa, and she also offered a drive, and i'd temporarilly lost arlynne, so i went with vanessa and co.
We first went, however, to vanessa's friends house, and hung out for a bit, which was good i met some cool peeps. I then went home, got a drive with someone i dont know, but she was sober. As were all my previous drivers. I'm good for stuff like that. But yeah, i went with vanessa and a pretty hot girl named Saya (sp? but that's how it was pronounced) So yeah, i got a drive home, vanessa's a cool girl btw, but i dont think i'd do her. cool hair. That's probably it for tonight, i dont have any sort of interesting thoughts, i was just talking about my day's events.
Actually one thing that happened today that i didn't mention, i went to the mall with michelle for a little while, i got a jug, orange juice, and a small pad of paper (for lyrics, i hope) and that's it. Michelle is facking hot, i must've always known, cause i've been interested before, i'm surprised now though, that i didn't try anything that night that we went in the sprinklers and sat together for a few hours. I was batting 0 on that night, she even said she was cold, we just kinda got up and left at that point. but i should've thrown my hand around her. meh, past times are not worth my present. Love you guys.. It's just thursday night, but weekend's rock. I'll talk to you folks later.
i like the sound of that sentance alot. past times are not worth my present. kick ass. heh, we're growning up or whatever. sweet. love ya aine.
very well put.
"i'm from prince edward island"
"you're a newfie?"
(dont bother asking about the first)
what do you want me to say
whisper the words
I know they should be my own
but you've got my mind locked up
you came without warning
so unfair.
you dont even notice
i'm trying
what are you doing to me?
i am forced to act the fool
dont shrug or laugh like that
You should know i fell for you.
What do you want me to say
if i could only know
why are you looking at me
that's not how we are
I want to tell you about you
everything
talk about your liquid eyes
everything
what are you doing to me?
i am forced to act the fool
dont shrug or laugh like that
You should know i fell for you.
why now? what did i do to you?
Tonight, i went to drew's room. We watched Fight Club, with holly and megan, it was great. I went back to my room with the intention of writing "self improvement is masterbation" on my door, then going to bed. On my white board i saw a note from michelle, to go to her room. So i went up there, and her light was on, so i knocked, but no answer, i knocked a few times, no dice. i just started to write her a message to say i was sorry i missed her, and that i'd gotten her message, but she showed up from around the corner.
I'm realizing that all i'm doing by writing my life's events is supplying a temporary solution to bordom, in no way do i see this as entertaining.
So yeah, she asks if i want to go out in the sprinklers like last week, i'm game. we go see drew to see if he's up for it. he's not. so it's just the two of us, we just kinda stand in them and get sprayed by them, no running or jumping, good talking time. We toss on the shirts that we'd taken off before the spraying. we'd both had two shirts. We start walking back to the dorms, when we're almost there, we slow, and she says that we should've sat down in the field, cause it was bright here. After the first point i was going to say that we could just sit on the steps, but then i saw how it was bright.
So we walk back down the steps on our way back into the darker setting, with empty university buildings that we were scheduled to be at within 7 or so hours. And we walk through to a parking lot, and sit down on the curb. Just talking about stuff. I was wondering if i'd like to do something, and i'm finding it odd that i was thinking no, even though i'd been interested in her on previous days. I dont really understand myself sometimes. but i think that hearing her complain about other boyfriends kinda turned me off quite a bit.
So yeah, we just walked back home, it was uneventful, but at the same time quite eventful cause i didn't just go home. And that's me, i bet some of you thought i had something interesting to say. sorry.
Just a few quick things, i'd like to see aine's new blog with comments. I miss you guys sometimes. Initially the last paragraph ended with suckers, i changed it to sorry. I started to miss you guys when some girl, named robin was talking about her friends and she said that she definately has the coolest friends in the world. I just said "no, you're wrong", it's not really up for discussion, I just know you guys fucking rock. i mean fuck, who the hell else could there be? even the people that i've met here that are cool, they're just kinda shallow not rude or jerkish, but they're not deep enough, so far anyway. I dont require the presence of any of them, not like i needed you guys around. Its cool to hang out with guys that like my guitar or sense of humour and with cool girls that think i'm cute. But that could never compair to 1 on 1 basketball (with a small but dedicated audience), or with watching a movie and linds's or carl's, or with getting slushes and going up on the roof of the librairy, or with making mugs for hours on end, or those nights at dq, just laughing, or nights like when we saw the face in the couch, or walking through graveyards just because we dont want to go back into town yet, or that drive, that fucking drive. or walks (or races) on the boardwalk.
those weren't a few things, nor were they quickly written. in no way am i even remotely sorry.
"can you come help me open my door?" - me, to carley. tell me that's not a good pickup line,
apparently when she opened my door i just started 'whipping' off my clothes, and when reduced to boxers i asked her for a hug, she declined and went home. when she told me that story i laughed quite a bit.
I found it quite surprising that i can still play guitar with relative grace while being drinking. I find it odd how i tend to avoid the word drunk, i just noticed that. I find it weird that the 8 of us, when together never drank. and yet, having talked to people now that most of us have separated, it seems like everyone's drinking rather fluently.i wonder if we'll drink next summer.
I think that's all i've got this time, tonight should be another good night, cause it's saturday. I really dont like school.
event horizon
i see the truth
collapse
it's not how it's why
who were you thinking about that time
exit
melt
you know it
i see
so the party sorta thing was tonight, we dont have a frosh week, but we all went down to "the well" which is the campus
bar sorta thing. Bailey's silver is good, i think.
okay, i'll try to tell the story, in some sort of completeness. I moved in my stuff mid afternoon, saw some cool girls. came back after eating supper at my aunt and uncle's house. this was 8:30 approx. i basically just joined a group of people in the hall way, Got some names that i think i'll remember, one girl named robin, one named carley (i'll remember that one quite easy) and two girls with the same name, i currently forget that name. ONe guy was andrew. he's my next door neighbor. the name of the two girls is jessica. i think. we were standing around, we were told that the well wasn't a fun place by some guy. but it didn't bug us really. we were looking for something to do, cause 3 of the girls had allready tried to go to the well, and they payed money, and started to go in, then were IDed. found to be 18, and left. temperarily. So this
is where i find the group, we decide to go play basketball. I'm quickly descovering that this robin girl seems to like me i am uninterested. it's not like robin wasn't cool, i just wasn't into her. I'm more into carley. one of the jessica's was quite cute though. but yeah, robin likes me. so we're playing ball, and robin is on the other team, she appropriately attempts to "cover" me. i played about average for me, but i think i was the best one there, there was this cool black guy named lucky, who was also good. how cool of a name is lucky?
i'm going to paragraph, this is for aine. so we play ball, while we're walking back from ball carley says that i'd make a cute couple with robin, i'm disapointed. but meh. life goes. but yeah, we go to the well, i figure out that after getting stamped the stamp will rub off on other people, so i rub off on carley and robin. i find other people, and i ask them politely to go in, get stamped then come out, to help out the 18 peeps. I manage to get in the group of them, the 4 girls, and lucky
i go to get a drink, and i try a bailey's silver, i liked it, i come back, carley asks me how much it was, i say 4.75, then i ask her if she'd like one, i get a nice smile, and a yes. so logically i'm excited, i go get it for her, and for the rest of the night she was with me, it was great. a little bit of grinding, which i know absolutely nothing about how to do. and during one of the songs, i found myself next to robin, with carley on the other side of her, and i kinda dodged through the two of them, and found an open area, made myself a bit of room and coffee ground up a storm, with one of my better freezes. i'd say i got about 4 or 5 seconds, but it's hard to say i guess. it was good either way, some people screamed at me, which was pleasant. when i came back i was able to get a spot next to carley again, and she half put her arm around me, i was happy. still am.
the last song was a slow dance song, and i kissed her twice after it. my lips were all dry, which was disapointing, but she was still quite nice to kiss. i was more then happy to ablige. so i walked her home she lives about 5 doors down from me, gave her a hug, she kissed my neck, i said i'd see her tomorrow at the pancake breakfast. sounds good. 1 night down. many more, many.
i throw on beautiful midnight, i'm on suburbia, "one day your heads are gonna turn, you'll realize i'm missing"
Talk to you guys later, i still dont have the net hooked up, this is notepad.
I'm talking to natalie, who's drunk and happy, and i just read dave's blog, and he's drunk and happy. And this makes me happy.
I miss my friends, not to the point of tears or anything, but i casually miss them, i've been bored at home the past two nights, which are my last friday and saturday nights before a year of school, which is disapointing, but that's the way it goes when you know nobody in the city in which you live, as well as no transportation to take you to any sort of social gathering. And it's these two boring and lonely nights that make me miss you guys. I assume i'll miss you less soon. Or so i hope.
I want to let you six know that my last three nights in town were really great. Thanks so much, i'll remember you guys forever. THe second and third last nights were funner, but my last night in town was fairly memorable. Little bits of eye contact before turning and going away. good times.
how's my paragraphing? i please to aim. next time i post i think it'll be things that have happened instead of things in my head. An improvement thinks i.
hahahahahahzhzhahahzhzhahahahahahahaahah
well, it's 5:41, i decided a fair bit ago that i was going to see if i could do without sleep tonight. I'm listening to music, and trying to write a song. I'm hoping that i can have a song that i can introduce by name, and then before i start say "it's about a girl". That's not too much to ask. And there's a few girls on the mind.
[edit]
just as a side note, i think that i'd like to write a song about cinder, i love my old dog very much, i dont know what the song would be like, what sort of things i'd say, or why i feel like i'd like to say them, but these will be minor details for now.
Hello everyone, i figured it was time for a new post. even though i know i have nothing to talk about.
I played some poker tonight, i'd planned to go out, but no drive, i was cool with poker though. it was great. Fucking colin wiped us though. I ended up 12$ down, Andrew was 4$ down, another guy was 15 down, two other guys were about 10 down, anyway, colin walked in with 10$, left with about 65. The only guy that left the table with more money then he'd started with. I was winning, i think, with about two hands to go, but that game we played, holy shit. the money came out of me like a sive, i'd say in the last 2 hands i went down about 25$, from 12 up to 12 down, i'd say that's half accurate. But yeah, i loved the poker. good times.
After poker 3 of us went to Arby's - my first Arby's experience. Not bad. it was kinda funny, we bought 15 roast beef sandwiches, 6 bacon roast beef melts, a chicken burger thing, a large box of chicken strips, and a few drinks. The people working there didn't think we were serious. and when we got to the window and gave them the 60 some dollars. they were like "you guys were serious?" It was a good experience, almost 4am lanish, cause we were all acting half retarded, and everything was funny. Not quite though, i mean not as funny as lan outing, not as super happy. but it was that style of an outing.
hmm, you know you're up late when friends from back east are coming online in the morning, i really aughta sleep.
but yeah, asside from that. i've become completely infatuated with howie day. a guitar store i was in the other day is ordering some of these. For those of you who dont know, this is a delay pedal, the delay pedal that howie uses. It'll run me like 400. And i think instead of buying a guitar, i'll just get a soundhole pickup for like 140. And then there's this thing for 300 that i'd need. then an amp. fucking amp, that's where the money goes. there was one acoustic one for 800 there. 65W, but i'll want to look around. I did up a resume last night, so hopefully i'll be able to get a job at kelsey's, that's where katherine works. she's nicole's friend, cool girl. i'd be happy to work with her.
okay yeah, i'm going to bed, good morning everyone.
i can be howie.
last night, i spent upwords of 40 minutes writing a post about stuff, and it didn't work. I'll see how quickly i can fire it out in point form.
concert was great, included songs such as new orleans is sinking, grace, too, poets, little bones. One particularly awesome part occured when he was talking between songs, and said "alright, i've got good news and bad news, we're at the hundredth meridian..." i dont think anyone heard the rest of what he said, but it didn't matter. great song. The encore was Ahead by a Century, Music at Work, Blow at High Dough. ooh yeah.
Went to bar afterwords, saw cute andrea girl, and cute andrea's friends. sweeeet.
Saw cute girl that i had danced with prior and didn't know the name of, she recognised me, flashed the brilliant smile, and waved. She recognised me? sweeeet.
Danced with friends, blah blah whatever. Didn't drink too much. Only spend a 20. Bright side. during withdrawl of money found that there's 1528 in my account. [thumbs up]
During the ride home, car full of girls, heard some gossip.
Apparently Scott and Therisa, the hot basketball player, and the cute girl that i like and kept screwing up with respectively. Shouldn't be going out, they're only going out cause they fucked the first night, and scott didn't want to be an ass so they kept dating. They'd dated last year for some time apparently. But tonight scott went home with some other girl, and i guess therisa was making out with someone, so she's single. uh, sweet? meh.
I dont understand how i'd written so much last night. I even tripled my amount written on the concert this time. I think i wrote alot of stuff that didn't really mean anything. I recall saying that Therisa had eyes that you could write a dictionary about. That was probably one of my better lines. btw, they're light blue, very light. But they're not subtle. She's a knockout. Tall (maybe too tall...) she's a little on the slim side, but not unattracively slim, It's in the eyes. And smile. And eyes.
The cute girl i danced with is short, shoulder length straight blond hair, fine fine body. face so cute she could run for mayor. (she's a rocket)
Andrea has slightly longer hair, brown hair and eyes, deep eyes. Nice to look at. She's a really good looking girl. Really very good looking. I like her. Her friend that seemed the most interested in me had blond hair, tied up, a little bigger then andrea, but not in a good way or bad way, just a fact. Cute face. blue eyes. a fine catch.
this should do.
cold beer and a hardcore couple hours of street hockey, that is a fucking good afternoon.
I had that last post written a while ago, just didn't publish it.
Update: although i'm no longer high, i'm not low either.
haha, i feel like a born-again retard, this is the most awesomely pathetic personality that i've had in recent memory, i hope it lasts for more then the next few hours, cause it's quite fun. I'm like grinning at clouds and blue sky and shit. Carley and Mike and Cheryl asked me why i was laughing and strutting up the walk way, heh, i didn't even know what to say, i just grinned and shrugged.
I'm listening to "The War is Over", arguably the most happy matthew good band song since Native Son.
i'll talk to you guys later.
Sun is shining, it's gonna be a what?
well, i'm listening to some old matt good, native son in particular. It's probably the happiest matthew good band song that i'm currently listening to. Look ma. no hands.
Last night, i went to Splashes. It's a bar. And i danced and stuff, with chicks, it was a good time. I know there's not a whole bunch of detail going in here. But yeah, i mostly danced with my cute or hot friends or people that i already know, but there was this one girl that i hadn't seen before and i kinda wandered out on the floor and danced with her for a little while. and she was cute, she would not stop smiling, and she had a damn fine smile, and all of you knowing me must've known that i was grinning like a sheep dog. which is to say that i too was smiling.
So yeah, the song ended, and we parted for a bit, i danced with some other girls, ones i knew, and then walked around for a bit, bought a cooler, and started looking for this girl again, and i saw her, but she was dancing with some new guys, and they were "jockish" big muscley guys, and at the time i was thinking, hmm, maybe that's who she wants to dance with, that's cool, and i went back to my friends, and stuff. So yeah, had a great night, only bad part of the night was that the really cute girl that i've been noticing has a boyfriend, his name is scott, i've played ball with him some, he's sorta hot. but he's a nice guy so i dont not like him. ripped as fuck the bastard. So yeah, she went out the window like so many unused pants. (i have no idea what that means, just chuckle or sigh or whatever you're planning on doing, then move on) And the other girl that i liked, that i met at a party was asking a girl about a guy when i was there, the guy is andy, he's cool, but yeah, she's a great looking girl, i was sorry to see her go, out the window, like pants.
So yeah, very little of that is important to my current day. I was in my linear algebra class, not much time remaining, it's my last class of the week. And anyway, i was thinking about the girl that i didn't know. the cute smiling one. And i was thinking the following.... she was a good looking girl, i had fun dancing with her, it's too bad she ended up with those other guys, and then i remembered how i was feeling about her, about how it'd be cool if i was bigger, or more attractive, so she'd want to dance with me. Then the thought came to me that maybe there were other guys that saw me with her and thought similar things. Then the thought hit me like i was standing outside the window and someone stopped needing their pants and threw their pants out the window and their pants hit me. yeah, just like that. Maybe i'm not unattractive. I started smiling like the top of a muffin would smile at butter. Maybe i'm someone that someone would see and want to dance with, i was wearing my new jeans and dave's shirt that i stole with permission. (thanks) and i started thinking that maybe i'm not a bad looking fellow, It was a great feeling. I felt like i was finally shedding off some of the layers of self pity that i'd been lathering on since grade 7 when i was a "faggot with a rat tail". I mean, i've already become more then comfortable with my personality, i'd say i worked that one out in about grade 11/12 when i started kicking with shannon and justin and crew. But yeah, i've never thought myself not unnattractive. and i'm starting to. wee.
this is something i recently said to dave on msn.
"Well, the events today may have been bland at best. but it's been an "up" day, a brick could fall on my foot, and i'd just hope that people saw, so they could laugh, so they could be as happy as i.
i love these days"
that's all for now, i'm going to see the tragically hip tomorrow. fun. i love you guys. And i honestly dont expect to ever meet friends with the quality of character of the friends that i had back on pei.
and that's a good thing.
I paid some of my thing today, i have to pay more wednesday, or something will happen, i dont know what.
I'm not doing my best. wish me luck.
I just got a piece of paper slid under my door, it's my final notice that i have to pay $2360.00 by sept 19 for my meal card, and course payments. I have $25 in my wallet, and approximately $12 in my bank account. I also have a letter from my mom that came in yesterday that i'll be receiving later this afternoon, wish me luck.
btw, i still havn't done anything about my student loan, but i probably will today.
i was just in jessica's room, listening to Jagged Little Pill, i'm a happy camper. I wasted most of my writing efforts in an email and a comment on dave's site. i'll post again though, and it'll be the best thing that anyone has ever seen ever. ever. (that's a lie). I'm going outside, i'll see you all in december.
on a lighter note
flashback, about 90 seconds ago, cute girl, younger sister of a 20 year old RA, raises her arms up and does a little spin,
"yeah, i dont look 13 do i?"
no, no you certainly dont.
I'm sorry to disappoint you.
I'll be good.
Smooth
yeah, so there's this cute girl, that i've seen a few times, and i'm fairly certain that she'd be happy if i didn't exist anymore, but i still like her. so it's a neat dynamic. Anyway, first time i saw her, i was in a large group of people in the hallway, and i was feeling particularly like being the center of attention, so i'd been making jokes and such. And this girl walks by, and i say hi, and she said hi and after she's gone in the bathroom, which was right there, i say "oh yeah, she wants me" and people laugh, she then leaves the bathroom, some people are still kinda laughing, and i say hi again, major eye contact. and she says hi, and tamas, a third year RA on the second floor says something like good job. or something, and she looks back, and we're all laughing, so she thinks we're all laughing at her.
That was some time ago. Today i see her again in the cafeteria waiting for food and i say hi, and ask her what her name was, she says terisa (sp?) and i say, yeah, i saw you the other day in the hall, and she says something about how we were laughing at her, and i jumbly try to explain myself and i get into a big mess of stuff, basically because i told her what happened, she was like "riiight" and left. I see her again, shortly after, and say hello to her, and she smiles and says hi, and this ryan guy, who wasn't there through any of the previous events says fairly loudly, "way to go simon" and gives thumbs up, she looks back, and i say quite loudly "well, she definately heard that, this i dont need" and she walks off.
shortly after, while i'm telling the story of these recent events to drew, who's getting to be my best friend here, and she walks by again, again with the hi, and the hi, when she left, jessica, who's another good friend, said something like "that went well" while she was still easily within earshot, at that time i decided to leave and go to my room, even with everyone saying, "come on simon, go talk to her". sigh.... this is my life, and if anyone was concerned with my leaving, this should leave proof that i'm still relitively unchanged. or so i like to think. everyone keep living. bye for now.
I drank tonight, good times. i got dropped off at the first bar which people were supposed to be going to by some dude named mitch, but i'm not sure if that's his name. Later, this guy from the basketball team that i played ball with a few days ago came by, he was also alone so we drank a bit together, he's a cool guy. Later a few more guys from the basketball team came in, i knew ryan, i didn't know the other few. but one of them was jeff. that's all i know, some guy gave me his beer, said he had lots. I was happy. beer tastes good when i'm already fairly drunk, i think.
The paragraphing is all for aine. even though i think she might look down on the drinking. I dont really know for sure though. I guess she's probably open minded. She's a cool girl.
So yeah, after we got fairly drunk at the first bar, which i forget the name of, the 5 of us went to some other bar, but before hand we went into some guys car, so a few of the guys could smoke some pot. I was offered, and i turned it down, it felt good to do that. I dont know why. Just kinda reminding myself that i've got the power over me. Good stuff. The next bar was pretty vacant, so from there we went to splashes, which is the only bar i remember by name. THat was pretty cool, i was going to get a drive home with arlynne and a few of her friends, but then i saw vanessa, and she also offered a drive, and i'd temporarilly lost arlynne, so i went with vanessa and co.
We first went, however, to vanessa's friends house, and hung out for a bit, which was good i met some cool peeps. I then went home, got a drive with someone i dont know, but she was sober. As were all my previous drivers. I'm good for stuff like that. But yeah, i went with vanessa and a pretty hot girl named Saya (sp? but that's how it was pronounced) So yeah, i got a drive home, vanessa's a cool girl btw, but i dont think i'd do her. cool hair. That's probably it for tonight, i dont have any sort of interesting thoughts, i was just talking about my day's events.
Actually one thing that happened today that i didn't mention, i went to the mall with michelle for a little while, i got a jug, orange juice, and a small pad of paper (for lyrics, i hope) and that's it. Michelle is facking hot, i must've always known, cause i've been interested before, i'm surprised now though, that i didn't try anything that night that we went in the sprinklers and sat together for a few hours. I was batting 0 on that night, she even said she was cold, we just kinda got up and left at that point. but i should've thrown my hand around her. meh, past times are not worth my present. Love you guys.. It's just thursday night, but weekend's rock. I'll talk to you folks later.
i like the sound of that sentance alot. past times are not worth my present. kick ass. heh, we're growning up or whatever. sweet. love ya aine.
"We're growing up or whatever." - Aine
very well put.
people told me it would happen, but i never believed that it would
"i'm from prince edward island"
"you're a newfie?"
My second real crack at lyrics
(dont bother asking about the first)
what do you want me to say
whisper the words
I know they should be my own
but you've got my mind locked up
you came without warning
so unfair.
you dont even notice
i'm trying
what are you doing to me?
i am forced to act the fool
dont shrug or laugh like that
You should know i fell for you.
What do you want me to say
if i could only know
why are you looking at me
that's not how we are
I want to tell you about you
everything
talk about your liquid eyes
everything
what are you doing to me?
i am forced to act the fool
dont shrug or laugh like that
You should know i fell for you.
why now? what did i do to you?
cool
Tonight, i went to drew's room. We watched Fight Club, with holly and megan, it was great. I went back to my room with the intention of writing "self improvement is masterbation" on my door, then going to bed. On my white board i saw a note from michelle, to go to her room. So i went up there, and her light was on, so i knocked, but no answer, i knocked a few times, no dice. i just started to write her a message to say i was sorry i missed her, and that i'd gotten her message, but she showed up from around the corner.
I'm realizing that all i'm doing by writing my life's events is supplying a temporary solution to bordom, in no way do i see this as entertaining.
So yeah, she asks if i want to go out in the sprinklers like last week, i'm game. we go see drew to see if he's up for it. he's not. so it's just the two of us, we just kinda stand in them and get sprayed by them, no running or jumping, good talking time. We toss on the shirts that we'd taken off before the spraying. we'd both had two shirts. We start walking back to the dorms, when we're almost there, we slow, and she says that we should've sat down in the field, cause it was bright here. After the first point i was going to say that we could just sit on the steps, but then i saw how it was bright.
So we walk back down the steps on our way back into the darker setting, with empty university buildings that we were scheduled to be at within 7 or so hours. And we walk through to a parking lot, and sit down on the curb. Just talking about stuff. I was wondering if i'd like to do something, and i'm finding it odd that i was thinking no, even though i'd been interested in her on previous days. I dont really understand myself sometimes. but i think that hearing her complain about other boyfriends kinda turned me off quite a bit.
So yeah, we just walked back home, it was uneventful, but at the same time quite eventful cause i didn't just go home. And that's me, i bet some of you thought i had something interesting to say. sorry.
Just a few quick things, i'd like to see aine's new blog with comments. I miss you guys sometimes. Initially the last paragraph ended with suckers, i changed it to sorry. I started to miss you guys when some girl, named robin was talking about her friends and she said that she definately has the coolest friends in the world. I just said "no, you're wrong", it's not really up for discussion, I just know you guys fucking rock. i mean fuck, who the hell else could there be? even the people that i've met here that are cool, they're just kinda shallow not rude or jerkish, but they're not deep enough, so far anyway. I dont require the presence of any of them, not like i needed you guys around. Its cool to hang out with guys that like my guitar or sense of humour and with cool girls that think i'm cute. But that could never compair to 1 on 1 basketball (with a small but dedicated audience), or with watching a movie and linds's or carl's, or with getting slushes and going up on the roof of the librairy, or with making mugs for hours on end, or those nights at dq, just laughing, or nights like when we saw the face in the couch, or walking through graveyards just because we dont want to go back into town yet, or that drive, that fucking drive. or walks (or races) on the boardwalk.
those weren't a few things, nor were they quickly written. in no way am i even remotely sorry.
this is just a quick update cause i've got school soon,
"can you come help me open my door?" - me, to carley. tell me that's not a good pickup line,
apparently when she opened my door i just started 'whipping' off my clothes, and when reduced to boxers i asked her for a hug, she declined and went home. when she told me that story i laughed quite a bit.
last night was a pretty cool night, i slept at this girl named sacha's house, she had a party and a group of people came from the dorm to go there, i drank a fair bit, and me and the cute jessica, were pretty close most of the night, but sacha told me to not do anything with her cause she was drunk, and i said that i was drunk too, but although i thought it unfair at the time, i suppose i wasn't really making a good point. But we still kinda lied together on the floor for a little while and she got me to play her a few songs, and she's pretty damn cute. But we've been friends for about a week, so it seems for the best that we didn't hook up, cause that'd make today a little weirder.
I found it quite surprising that i can still play guitar with relative grace while being drinking. I find it odd how i tend to avoid the word drunk, i just noticed that. I find it weird that the 8 of us, when together never drank. and yet, having talked to people now that most of us have separated, it seems like everyone's drinking rather fluently.i wonder if we'll drink next summer.
I think that's all i've got this time, tonight should be another good night, cause it's saturday. I really dont like school.
Hey everyone, things are cool and worked out. i talked to carley, and we're going to be friends, but i still kissed her good night, so i dont know, I'm happy, and she appears to be happy, and we're not dating, so that's good. Good all around. I like cottonstar. something about that word, or the image it gives me, it's really great. It's late, i'm tired, i'll write something hopefully rather interesting after the weekend
cottonstar
event horizon
i see the truth
collapse
it's not how it's why
who were you thinking about that time
exit
melt
you know it
i see
I dont understand why when i have something i no longer want it. And should i talk myself out of not wanting someone?
heh, yes sir i like it.
so the party sorta thing was tonight, we dont have a frosh week, but we all went down to "the well" which is the campus
bar sorta thing. Bailey's silver is good, i think.
okay, i'll try to tell the story, in some sort of completeness. I moved in my stuff mid afternoon, saw some cool girls. came back after eating supper at my aunt and uncle's house. this was 8:30 approx. i basically just joined a group of people in the hall way, Got some names that i think i'll remember, one girl named robin, one named carley (i'll remember that one quite easy) and two girls with the same name, i currently forget that name. ONe guy was andrew. he's my next door neighbor. the name of the two girls is jessica. i think. we were standing around, we were told that the well wasn't a fun place by some guy. but it didn't bug us really. we were looking for something to do, cause 3 of the girls had allready tried to go to the well, and they payed money, and started to go in, then were IDed. found to be 18, and left. temperarily. So this
is where i find the group, we decide to go play basketball. I'm quickly descovering that this robin girl seems to like me i am uninterested. it's not like robin wasn't cool, i just wasn't into her. I'm more into carley. one of the jessica's was quite cute though. but yeah, robin likes me. so we're playing ball, and robin is on the other team, she appropriately attempts to "cover" me. i played about average for me, but i think i was the best one there, there was this cool black guy named lucky, who was also good. how cool of a name is lucky?
i'm going to paragraph, this is for aine. so we play ball, while we're walking back from ball carley says that i'd make a cute couple with robin, i'm disapointed. but meh. life goes. but yeah, we go to the well, i figure out that after getting stamped the stamp will rub off on other people, so i rub off on carley and robin. i find other people, and i ask them politely to go in, get stamped then come out, to help out the 18 peeps. I manage to get in the group of them, the 4 girls, and lucky
i go to get a drink, and i try a bailey's silver, i liked it, i come back, carley asks me how much it was, i say 4.75, then i ask her if she'd like one, i get a nice smile, and a yes. so logically i'm excited, i go get it for her, and for the rest of the night she was with me, it was great. a little bit of grinding, which i know absolutely nothing about how to do. and during one of the songs, i found myself next to robin, with carley on the other side of her, and i kinda dodged through the two of them, and found an open area, made myself a bit of room and coffee ground up a storm, with one of my better freezes. i'd say i got about 4 or 5 seconds, but it's hard to say i guess. it was good either way, some people screamed at me, which was pleasant. when i came back i was able to get a spot next to carley again, and she half put her arm around me, i was happy. still am.
the last song was a slow dance song, and i kissed her twice after it. my lips were all dry, which was disapointing, but she was still quite nice to kiss. i was more then happy to ablige. so i walked her home she lives about 5 doors down from me, gave her a hug, she kissed my neck, i said i'd see her tomorrow at the pancake breakfast. sounds good. 1 night down. many more, many.
i throw on beautiful midnight, i'm on suburbia, "one day your heads are gonna turn, you'll realize i'm missing"
Talk to you guys later, i still dont have the net hooked up, this is notepad.
So i'm sitting in my uncle's office, looking at a map of the world, and thinking that that's the best way that i can start this post.
I'm talking to natalie, who's drunk and happy, and i just read dave's blog, and he's drunk and happy. And this makes me happy.
I miss my friends, not to the point of tears or anything, but i casually miss them, i've been bored at home the past two nights, which are my last friday and saturday nights before a year of school, which is disapointing, but that's the way it goes when you know nobody in the city in which you live, as well as no transportation to take you to any sort of social gathering. And it's these two boring and lonely nights that make me miss you guys. I assume i'll miss you less soon. Or so i hope.
I want to let you six know that my last three nights in town were really great. Thanks so much, i'll remember you guys forever. THe second and third last nights were funner, but my last night in town was fairly memorable. Little bits of eye contact before turning and going away. good times.
how's my paragraphing? i please to aim. next time i post i think it'll be things that have happened instead of things in my head. An improvement thinks i.