if i ever get tired of a girl saying "i have to put on my face" then i'd be surprised.
me: Hi there, would you be interested in going out for coffee sometime?
her: I have a boyfriend.
me: not a coffee drinker eh? more of a tea drinker? want to go out for some tea?
her: I have a boyfriend you bastard.
me: bruschetta?
A cashier, which we'll allow to remain nameless. was unhappy with her day at work, there were lots of customers, and they all had large cartfulls of groceries. this is key, in the quote. anyway, she was talking to me and kent about her day, and mentioned the following "everyone had huge loads, and they kept coming and coming". it took myself about 6 minutes to settle down, i was laughing. wow, that's pure gold.
Music is perfection. and i will create it someday. And it will make me proud of myself, whether others agree or not, and that'll be good, I've been here for way too long just looking at a blank screen, wondering what to type that someone will like, but i've fun out of patience, so i'm going to sign off, and wish everyone a great weekend.
So, how's everyone doing on this tuesday afternoon? hopefully well. I just read a comment made by lexa, and even though nobody was speaking of anything close to things that have made my day, i believe i will. ahem, that is currently making my day. thanks. I love how things that seem so insignificant to the doer of them can make such a big difference on the doee. Just sound it out, it'll make sense, trust me. I think that 'the bends' is quite possibly the best cd. It's so darn good. It wreaks of perfection. wow, nice dream just ended, and it's on random, and i was saying, "c'mon, c'mon" and making the motion of playing fake plastic trees. and then it came on. I'm happy, it's that darn simple. She looks like the real thing. She tastes like the real thing. My fake plastic love. I can't help the feeling, i could blow through the ceiling, if i just turn and run. If i typed and you read the last line of the song then it wouldn't have the timid beauty of hearing it, so whomever you are, do yourself a favor and give her a download. radiohead, fake plastic trees. Okay, what now, i've gotta have something, I go back to work at 2, and i've gotta bike there, so i'll be out of here in like 6 minutes hopefully. i need oj, just a sec. better. uh, yeah, still nothing to say, i'll go now, thanks again lex. happy day.
it's all about the fucking pity, and i hate it.
I hate having the idea that being myself isn't a good thing to be.
I used to always think that it was good to be a right brained person, or whichever side it is, i dont know, i didn't pay alot of attention in psych. but on either note, i used to think it was good that i was a good math person, good at sciences, numbers, not as good in english, the creative part, but hey, i was happy, i got good marks, i thought why would i ever want to give up my skills to be able to write a poem, or draw a tree. that stuff doesn't matter. wow, so damn wrong, i long for creativity. Right now i'm just holding on to the hope that i am creative, and this is all in my head. some pathetic attempt to make it seem to myself like i'm fighting an uphill battle, that way, any gains i make seem like huge accomplishments. I dont even know what point i'm trying to argue now.
and on a side note, i forgot to set my alarm yesterday, woke up at 11, life goes on.
what a great person. I like good people. People are great.
I was asked tonight by kent who i've been in love with, it was a very enjoyable question. First i said 2 people, then i changed it to three. I dont know about one of them, I'm i'm pretty sure that i coached myself along to loving 2 of the 3, the first 2 i thought of, incedentally. but the third one.. Anyway. If you'd like to know who my 3 were, then ask, and i'll say, but there's too much possibility for it to be read here, so i'll not say now. I'm too tired to be awake, this is sick. I'm often wrong, but i think that a gay guy likes kent, or at least thinks he's cute, and this makes me jealous cause i wish the guy liked me instead. go figure.
the reason for all these is that i was instructed to post more often, to cure worldwide internet bordom, i made most of that last sentance up. my sock puppet told me to. i made that up as well. anyhoo. mad props to kent for this one, it's mostly his work.
me: Hi there, would you be interested in going out for coffee sometime?
her: I have a boyfriend.
me: not a coffee drinker eh? more of a tea drinker? want to go out for some tea?
her: I have a boyfriend you bastard.
me: bruschetta?
i dont think i could possibly be a loser, cause someone that's a loser has lost stuff, as in not won, and i'm too happy to not be a winner, i'm a nerd, or geek, or whatever is a more appropriate expression, but a loser i aint.
best quote ever
A cashier, which we'll allow to remain nameless. was unhappy with her day at work, there were lots of customers, and they all had large cartfulls of groceries. this is key, in the quote. anyway, she was talking to me and kent about her day, and mentioned the following "everyone had huge loads, and they kept coming and coming". it took myself about 6 minutes to settle down, i was laughing. wow, that's pure gold.
Damn what a good night, holy crapping crap, i was in a great mood. I went out to eat with jenn, she's an absolutely fantastic girl. And i'm going to apply for a job at east side mario's, cause most things would be better the canadian tire, it's too dull now, i need to meet some new people. My hours got cut for next week anyway. So change is nice. I'm finding it quite hard to motivate myself to do anything important. but who cares, it's been a great night, i'm munching on some cinnamon hearts. re: 6/19/2002, i have moved on, and as of now, even though i can see that it's not too different, no better opportunities or anything, i feel like i'm in a better place. swip wip whipperwalooo.
yay life.
as it turns out, i'm just going to sleep, everyone's a winner.
Ah hell, i received a phone call tonight, that i forgot to respond to. I just remembered this. but i suppose that there was no way of responding to it. so life as with any other event (barring death) goes on. I'm not sure if i'm a bad person, or if i'm just a good person without the will power to prevent himself from doing bad things. But what the hell is will power? that's just an expression made up to make people proud of doing something that will keep their conscience clear. Or give people a poor at best excuse for doing something that will make them happy short term, and guilty long term, that's what i'm dealing with. Expressions like "i'm only human" seem lame as hell right now. I've gotta back out. Heh, when i said what the hell is will power, i thought that i was going to say some huge ground breaking thing, but as it terned out i gave as close to a straight faced definition as i'm capable of. that's dull. dull as i've seen. Okay, what next. i've got time, and unfortionately for both of us, i feel like saying more. I'm going to go get food. i'll be back, dont fret. we've got a guitar forum. i came up with that. i've got wit. like me.
How'd this world get so fucking fun all of a sudden - matt good
fuck, i've gotta move on. I figure i should be able to do that without something to move on to, but i dont know. it'd be easier if i just found someone.
Well, i'm muddled. I've got too many things on my plate, and although i'm hungry, uh, i'm not going to start talking in metaphores already, it's been done. There's a note here, for me to call my dad, cause it's fathers day, but i'm not going to, i should sleep, cause i'm really tired, but i have alot of stuff on my mind. There's about 6 girls that have been running amuck through this easily influenced brain of mine. And i think it'd be nice to just think about one for a while, it's such a great calm collected feeling. and i'd like it back, i'm sure i'll get it sometime, i'd like to really connect with someone before bc. I'm sure i'll make myself available to several girls, it's just a matter of whether i get chosen. Grayapalooza is tuesday, i think that everyone i know should go, cause i have potential of being good. which is about 2 steps above half decent. And half decent can be better then not bad, depending on the tone of voice. so come watch, support will be appreciated. I'm so damn tired, why am i awake. I'll tell you why, at first i was thinking that it was because i wish to please my people, my people that read this site, but i dont think that's the case, i think i do it in order to prepare for future bordom because my hope is that some time i'm online and bored, i'll be able to check out comments, and if i post things, there'll be better chances for commenting. I'd like to say something else that means something before bed. I have no idea what i think about drugs and drinking and my doing either of those things. no clue. Actually i think i've got drinking figured out, i have no qualms with my doing of it, but i dont feel like it. With pot, i think i wouldn't mind doing it, but i'm worried that i might like it more then i'd like to like it, and if that happens, then i might be somewhere, having what would normally be a good time, and i'll think, jeez, i'd like to be high, and that wont be a good feeling, because anything that takes away from the great feeling that i currently have the majority of the time that i'm living would be not great. I think that's what i think, i'm not sure if i wrote an opinion or not, i probably just wrote nothing, like now. What am i doing with my life. Oh well, you've got me under your spell, i dont think that i'm kidding around, dont think i can forget you now. time to try and sleep. g'night everyone.
with memories like that, who needs new experiences. That's not quite the case, but if it was possible, i'd be there. spit anyone? Macrogo? street hockey? table tennis? time trials (basketball)? the list goes. and it goes good. BC frightens me, but i'll live. here's to christmas.
Music is perfection. and i will create it someday. And it will make me proud of myself, whether others agree or not, and that'll be good, I've been here for way too long just looking at a blank screen, wondering what to type that someone will like, but i've fun out of patience, so i'm going to sign off, and wish everyone a great weekend.
i'd tell you my life story right now if you asked it of me. i touched on this topic before, and i didn't think it'd come back, but it just did. I dont know if it makes me trusting, vulnerable, gullable, kind? could be anything really... needy? that works. Is it possible to care alot about alot of people? i think that i have to pick favorites. I can't have that many best friends, i can't have that many people that i confide in. I dont even know why, it just seems like it's not allowed. I want each and every person i talk to to feel like they're the one, that they're great. If people felt half as special as i consiter them to be, then most of them would receive a large boost in confidence. I think i'm slipping here, this isn't cool, yeah, i'm not getting back up, maybe if i just lie here for a while then the threat will think i'm dead and go away, and i can get up. but then i'll wonder if the threat was actually going to offer me some water, or to heal wounds, and then i've missed them. I lost track there, water and wound healing doesn't have much to do with the slipping. unless it does. anyway, i'm out of symbolic mode, so i'll just blather on about nothing for a tick... and we're done.
Dont leave me high, dont leave me dry
So, how's everyone doing on this tuesday afternoon? hopefully well. I just read a comment made by lexa, and even though nobody was speaking of anything close to things that have made my day, i believe i will. ahem, that is currently making my day. thanks. I love how things that seem so insignificant to the doer of them can make such a big difference on the doee. Just sound it out, it'll make sense, trust me. I think that 'the bends' is quite possibly the best cd. It's so darn good. It wreaks of perfection. wow, nice dream just ended, and it's on random, and i was saying, "c'mon, c'mon" and making the motion of playing fake plastic trees. and then it came on. I'm happy, it's that darn simple. She looks like the real thing. She tastes like the real thing. My fake plastic love. I can't help the feeling, i could blow through the ceiling, if i just turn and run. If i typed and you read the last line of the song then it wouldn't have the timid beauty of hearing it, so whomever you are, do yourself a favor and give her a download. radiohead, fake plastic trees. Okay, what now, i've gotta have something, I go back to work at 2, and i've gotta bike there, so i'll be out of here in like 6 minutes hopefully. i need oj, just a sec. better. uh, yeah, still nothing to say, i'll go now, thanks again lex. happy day.
I think i talk too much. I need to have a finer line between friends, and best friends, cause on a given night i'd be willing to tell just about anyone my life story, and it hurts so much to find that they dont care. The worst part is that it's not their fault at all, I can only blame myself for having false hopes that my life is interesting to everyone, which is basically impossible. I like how open i am, but when other people dont respond as openly as i do, then i feel like they feel that i'm talking too much, or that they dont really care enough about me to tell me anything important about them, and with that, i assume that they're annoyed with my talking to them.
Last night i walked into the sliding door at sobeys and it fell off it's slider thing, and stuck out, and then someone came and fixed it, it made my night, and i'm smiling now. sometimes life is just so fun and simple. Not quite often enough, but hey, i'm smiling, so life is good. Thanks again for the bball game dave, i still feel refreshed. I've told one person this in my life, and i like to think that it's pretty important, even though it's not. When i'm up late, then i go to bed, if it's 1:30 or 11:30 and i'm lying on my right side, which i have to do to see my clock, then it appears to be a bunny rabbit, with the 3 being the ears, and the dots being the eyes, and the 1 (closest to the dots in the 11:30 case) is the mouth, and it's a nice thought, even when i'm upset about my inability to sleep, i can still look at the little rabbit for a good ten minutes. yet again, simple life.
I'm tired of doing this, i dont think i'll do it for a while, i've got a "fan" base of 3 right now, you being jenn, krystle, and jenna, in that order of discovery. But since i started telling people, it got less entertaining to myself to write in, cause prior to people knowing, i would let myself get thoughts like "wow, if people knew i thought that, then..." and something interesting, about how they'd treat me different, or care more, or care less, or hate me, or love me. And now that people know, it's just becoming painfully obvious that none of the above is going to hold true. and that's discouraging, knowing that what i do isn't important. in this case anyway. i'll be back. hopefully with a perpose. possibly as early as tomorrow, but that wouldn't let any sort of anticipation build. or at least give me a few days to think that you 3 have been thinking about me, wondering what's on my mind, and i can pretend that you're eagerly waiting. it'll be fun. dont tell me that it's not true. i'll talk to you all later.
it's all about the fucking pity, and i hate it.
I like the taste of my own tears.
I hate having the idea that being myself isn't a good thing to be.
wow, what a boring birthday. I'm trying to figure out if i care or not, i mean, as far as regular days go, it would've only been slightly boring, but as far as birthdays go, wow, what a boring birthday. The best part of my day was probably at lunchtime when i listened to fake plastic trees. or any of the time dorian was here. I love that guy. i really do. I'm sad, that sucks, i wish that i was bulletproof. pay me money and take a shot, lead fill the hole in me. I wish that i could write that. i wish that i had something to say. something important enough to want to say again. I think i'd like to be attacked, probably not physically, just so that i could see who would defend me. this is pathetic as hell, i know why i'm doing this, i'm hoping to write something sad that will tug on someone's conscious so that they'll think of me sometime when they're not thinking of anything else. I want to be a somebody, but almost as much as that, i want to not care if i am or not. Does this mean i'm not comfortable with who i am? I'm not familiar with this wanting to be somebody else business, especially not familiar with admitting this to myself. i'm going to go die until morning, it'll shut up my mind.
i'm turning 19 in a half hour, i've not very excited about it, but that's okay. all is good. i'm going to take my guitar to that church place and play. I took some thought into what i wanted to do, and this is what i come up with, hopefully i wont be disapointed. i wish i had've thought of parking on the street, i dont want to walk that far with a guitar. maybe i'll just go to ellen's creek plaza. we'll see.
I dont know whether it's fair to want to know you as well as i'd like to, you say things, think things, that are beyond me. And i want to understand. I feel like everyone's got another layer, everyone but me. My personality seems shallow, no depth, there's nothing to me, i'm surrounded by mysterious creatures, that have thoughts that set them apart, apart from everyone else, apart from myself. I dont have that. I'm all here, i could exist on paper. fuck me. at least i'm a nice guy. i make a good acquaintance.
I used to always think that it was good to be a right brained person, or whichever side it is, i dont know, i didn't pay alot of attention in psych. but on either note, i used to think it was good that i was a good math person, good at sciences, numbers, not as good in english, the creative part, but hey, i was happy, i got good marks, i thought why would i ever want to give up my skills to be able to write a poem, or draw a tree. that stuff doesn't matter. wow, so damn wrong, i long for creativity. Right now i'm just holding on to the hope that i am creative, and this is all in my head. some pathetic attempt to make it seem to myself like i'm fighting an uphill battle, that way, any gains i make seem like huge accomplishments. I dont even know what point i'm trying to argue now.
if there's something better then melty peanut butter on a cinnamon raison bagel, then i havn't had it.
I dont like being vague in blogs, so i'm going to take advantage of this being an unknown blog thus far, and i'm going to just talk, and it'll be gooder. "recent events" is in reference to my asking out of jenna cook, whom most of you readers aughta know. and my being happy and excited about them means she said yes. So go me. I think it's kinda good and kinda just odd how much my thinking of someone can get me riled up about them, i can wake up wondering if i'm headed in the right direction, and go to sleep thinking that everything is perfect, and that's without doing anything to deal with the situation, that's just by going over things in my head, if i want to be happy, which i often do, then i'll convince myself that my life is the way i want it. and i'm doing a hell of a job with miss cook, As soon as song lyrics start to enter the equasion then i think a line is crossed. "she looks like the real thing, she tastes like the real thing, my fake plastic love" I felt it. it was so good, listening to those words. Now i'm listening to dashboard confessional, many of whom's lyrics are about breakups, and lousy relationships, but they're not coming through for me, which is good i suppose. Wow, good thing i said that sentance there, otherwise i could've said something important. I dont know if this happens for other people, but sometimes when i'm dating someone, and for those of whom that know me currently, this wasn't the case with nat, so dont worry about that, but at times when dating someone if i see attractive girls, that seem interested (imagination plays large roll in that), then i'll wish that i was single, briefly, but still, the thought will be there. And yeah, i've seen jenna very few times, in the dating context anyway, and i've already convinced myself that there's something great going on, when i was at work today, i saw some attractive girls, and i was reminded of her, and it made me miss her, it didn't make me want whoever the heck looked good at the time. And i thought that was cool. more sad then cool that i missed her after having yet to go on a date, but y'know. what can i say. She's on my mind like an [omit for sexism, my apologies, it didn't make sense anyway] She got into her art school, i'm so happy for her, that's teriffic, she said on her blog that she would like help celebrating, kent was talking to her and she was planning on sleeping a bit, and i didn't see her at the house, so she might've not recovered from her sleep. i dunno. if i didnt' work tomorrow i'd go throw rocks at her window, and look into a kidnapping, see if she wanted to go for a walk, a long one, to nowhere. I think i'll sign off, i'm currently very happy.
and on a side note, i forgot to set my alarm yesterday, woke up at 11, life goes on.